Perfume

You always had a signature scent, everytime I walked by, everytime you'd give me something it would leave behind a trace of you.

 Now that you're gone I cannot help but miss that. In fact I yearn for it every second I exist rather than every second I'm alive mainly because I could only live when I was with you. 

Just once to be able to wrap myself tightly in your arms, to hear your heartbeat and calming voice again. 

I was looking through my stuff last night when I found an old bottle buried under lost memories and last minute birthday gifts

I sprayed it onto my wrist and shook it for a second so the chemically smell could go away and I would be left with the product 

In those few seconds I wondered where I would be transported to when I smelled it maybe a party, a loved one, a situation, all dear memories. Though when I inhaled the fragrance I stopped dead in my tracks. 

It was you. 

My eyes got glassy as I stared at the wall memories flooding back in at such a rapid pace my brain couldn't keep up, like a cheetah failing to catch a gazelle when it knew it would starve if it didn't catch up

Your face popped into my head, No, not just your face

But your soul.

atleast what I knew it as

 the pieces coming back together like a puzzle. 

That night I sprayed it all over my pillow, just to get some resemblance of what I once had

I hugged it so tightly my arms begged for me to let go

But right now my brain wasn't controling me, my heart was. 

And when my heart controls me it slowly destroys me, physically or mentally, often both

I inhaled the smell once again my breaths becoming rapid as I tried to get as much out of it as I could, becoming annoyed when I had to breathe out because it meant I had to go a few seconds without the almost physical memory of you, at least to closest thing I would have to it

The inhales were rapid it felt like I was trying to absorb it to the point I wanted to become it, not that I would mind that of course 

being something you always remember in the morning, something people remember you by, a small, but important part of your persona sunken into your clothes and skin

I wish I could be important to you again.