August.

I don’t hate you, because you already hate yourself.

You hate yourself, and you decide to hate me because I am you’re easiest target. I’m like some kinda innocent Angel to you.. yeah, I had that phase where I hated you, so much; but It wasn’t true. My heart is to pure to feel hate. I forgive you, but I never wanna see your face again. It’s horrible enough that I want you to do it again, I feel disgusted with myself because what you did actually made me feel like someone was seeing me even if the way they were doing it was wrong. I hear about you daily from every single on of my friends and it’s tiring. I love you so much but I don’t ever wanna see you again; but at the same time I do. I wanna show you how much more better I am, how I look better, cause honestly I looked like shit while I was with you. You made my mental health took a huge downfall that it started affecting my hygiene. I always looked and felt disgusted with myself every time I looked in the stupid mirror, I wanted to break that stupid mirror with a hammer. Not to mention you made me gain bulimia. So yes I want to see you because I want you to see how better I am without you, how I am now; how I love hygiene products, how I have my spark back, how I take care of myself when you’re gone!

But I am scared of you.

I know some way.. you’d trick me into going back, and I’d lose myself again. Our relationship might have seemed like some silly breakup to you, but it wasn’t to me. I believe in karma, because it happened to me. I had a right person wrong timing situation-ship, which I will talk about in another blog post. But what’s different about mine is.. i regret everything I did to my right person wrong timing; (which we will just call him Mike, and we’ll call the person I’m writing about August.) I regretted all the bad things I did to him, and he’ll always be the loml. But you didn’t regret anything you did, It made you feel powerful. You would do it again if it didn’t mean everyone hating you, and having a consequence. With no consequence..You WOULD do it again. Everyone is saying you had some sort of ‘glow up’ and you became a better person. I highly doubt that, you wouldnt change. Or at least the you I know wouldn’t change. I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt, maybe you DID change; but I will ALWAYS see you as the person you were before. That pureness I had? you took it away. And I will never figure you for that. Yes, I’m still pure, and sweet; but not as much as I used to be. I hate that i still care about you, not love; care. I had gotten attached to you, and I hate it so much.

But genuinely.. I just wish the best for you. I’m glad you’re doing better like everyone is saying. I hope you found that peace, even though I know you were able to move on after all the bad things you’ve done, I still wish you the best; because you’re still a human, you still have feelings. And I will always consider that even though you had hurt mine.