Do you ever have long term crushes?

I’ve noticed recently that I have a bit of a pattern with my crushes. Specifically, I tend to start off wanting to be their friend, then about a year later it develops into more of a crush. The real point I wanna chat about here is just do you guys have long lasting crushes? 

I had one girl that I like for around 7-10 months, but honestly that crush barely existed toward the last three months because I started losing hope and noticing more flaws in our dynamic. That part specifically is what makes the idea of getting into a relationship so scary to me. What if I date someone and realize a year into our relationship that we aren’t good for each other? And more importantly what if that becomes a pattern? Could I just be too picky and I just judge people too harshly when looking at them romantically? Or is it more of a concern that I start losing interest after realizing there’s little to no chance of us getting together?

The only other example of a “crush” I have was one that started around March last year. It was a platonic crush at first but over time I realized it could be more than platonic. The thing is around a month ago she told me about her feeling for another girl (who ironically was one of my first sorta crushes) and suddenly I just… wasn’t interested anymore? Like are my feelings shallow for saying that? I like her, don’t get me wrong, but I can’t help but feel like I got a moment to take off the rose colored glasses and I’m just happier with friendship. AGAIN. 

Like I don’t know if it’s a me thing, but I get so totally bugged out by like not having any romantic interests. I don’t feel the need to have one allll the time, I’m not insane! Just like, it’s kinda annoying to be almost out of school and NEVER having a proper talking stage or a partner or anything. Not that my friends make me feel left out, I love them they are all super sweet. But still like I think I might be the only person who can be both completely not interested in mingling and a horrible hopeless romantic. 

Anyway yea use this blog to respond or rant about your experiences with crushes and queerness in the comments! I’m curious…