im torn about the future

a month or a bit less ago, i felt very scared about the future and was in a pretty bad mental state

then a bit ago, i felt very hopeful for the future and kinda shoved away the anxiety i had about whats to come (not just cause of danganronpa 2x2 being announced)

but now that my excitement died down, i started remembering the things that ive been worrying about

and that makes it worser than me being an absolute pessimist like i was a month ago

now that im looking forward to something in the future 

im scared if the things i enjoy will be blocked and/or negatively affected by the things that i worry about

what if the dumbass online safety laws ban danganronpa 2x2 and/or i lose contact with my close online friends?? what if orange man introduces more laws thatll affect me and my family cause me & my brother are hispanic and my moms are lesbians??? what if the economy gets so bad cause of him that the country starts to collapse?? what if because of these things my mental health gets worser and worser and i wouldnt be able to tell my parents (or even my future therapist) about it because im too scared?? what if i dont make it to 2026-2027??

it hurts to think about it

atp i cant even look forward to my birthday cause of this; i dont feel as cheerful as i was last year when my birthday was near

im not sure if i was cheerful at all last year tho

i wish we lived in a world without terrible people, wrongful judgement, and unreasonable rules