bite

i'm not a violent dog. i don't know why i bite. i'm am not in control of my own urges. i'm confused, and i don't know why i'll bite you, but it makes me feel safe, so i'll continue to bite. 'my friends think i like to fight but it's just not true. sometimes i lose my temper and blow off a little steam, but i never enjoyed it. i'm not a violent dog. i don't know why i bite.' i act completely out of instinct and i will never be able to give logic to my actions. i don't bite to protect my vulnerability- rather, it's because i'm constantly vulnerable that i bite. i'm not a violent dog. i don't know why i bite.

i'm trying to get better, but this is how i protect myself, and not biting is as scary to me as my teeth must be to you. i don't understand how others pretend like practicing anger management means allowing yourself to be at peace. that's not what anger management is. for me, it's more akin to stripping bare in public and learning to stop yourself from trying to cover your genitals with your hands, or forcing yourself not to shy away from the stares, or to train yourself to stop panicking when they pull out their phones to record.

it's hard. it's scary. but i'd like to believe i'm getting better at it, because the only thing more comforting than biting is having people around me who don't get bit.