clubbing!

i really need to figure out how to make these images smaller... i'm going out drinking and clubbing tonight for a friend's birthday; i love my friends very much and they are very sweet and fun to be around, but i am so scared of clubbing. i love the idea of clubbing, i'm really into dancing, the moody lighting, fruity drinks, socialising with strangers, and dressing up and doing my makeup all cool. but i get very very worked up about it. i can't stop thinking and getting anxious and sweaty and queasy from just knowing im going out clubbing tonight. i have to plan absolutely everything or ill feel ill. i've eaten a pizza for lunch at around 12, because i need to leave at half 4 to get 2 buses that get me into the city for 6pm. i worry that it isn't enough to eat, but i feel like i can't keep anything down right now. i also worry for my safety whilst outside and being alternative and trans, people stare at me all the time and i feel scared that someone will attack me, i might just wear my cargos with a long sleeved top, these layers are sooo much and im already sweating in my cold room, never mind a hot club. i just feel boring. also meeting a guy there that i've sexted with (not sure if im allowed to say that here but i will) and he's like lets kiss and im like uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....hhhh... i am so overwhelmed as it is. but maybe we will. will update?