my struggle with relationships and sexuality (aka a cry for help)

as a girl, i've always known i was attracted to other girls. even when i was a kid, i knew i had that clear attraction, however i always questioned whether i liked boys or not. 

i've had plenty of crushes on boys and the idea of having a boyfriend is nice, but when it comes down to actually having a boyfriend, it's HELL for me. i hated how he would always text me, asking about my day. i hated the long paragraph he wrote me when he asked to be in a relationship. i especially hated how he would always come looking for me before class and ask for a kiss. his very existence bothered me so deeply, even though he didn't do anything to hurt me. 

maybe i just liked the attention that came with it? at the time i hated myself so badly, so it felt good having someone to see me the way i couldn't see myself. i'm not particularly seeking out love, i feel completely secure being by myself, and no longer am i trying to compensate for the fact that i am not comfortable in my own skin. but being with a man, or rather anyone for that matter, just feels so much like a chore.

i know i don't have to conform to sexuality norms. sexuality is a spectrum, there is no absolute gay or absolute straight. i just feel so behind. everyone else seems so sure of themselves when it comes to their sexuality. i know i'm not aromantic, cause i would love to be in a relationship. i know i'm not a lesbian cause i still have some attraction to boys. i try to convince myself that i don't need a label, but i feel incomplete without it. 

idk, is anyone else struggling with this or is it just me?