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guys im feeling weird, everything is turning darker, im geting inside a gray cloud, my mother is diying, im looking at her tears
I'm writing this because I feel a bit lost. My mom has been sick for a long time with a disease called myelodysplasia. She had a bone marrow transplant, but now her body is rejecting it.
The doctors gave her two options: keep fighting with chemo, or stop treatment and live out her last few months trying to be happy.
She chose the second option. I understand why she did, but it’s so hard to watch. She’s not happy. She’s in a lot of pain, and her final memories are not joyful. I’m only 14, and I feel so helpless. I want to make her happy, but I don't know how.
On top of all this, I'm a teenager. I have all the normal things on my mind, like wanting a boyfriend or a digicam, or hang out with friends. It feels silly to even think about that when my mom is dying. It feels selfish, like I shouldn’t be spending energy on something so small. But it's what I want.
also she is not being able 2 work, so we dont have much money, how can she live her last days if she is worried about having 2 buy dinner with 50 dolars in debt. and sometimes i wish she just die so she can rest in peace, but that make me feel bad, i shouldnt be wishing for my moms death.
please if u think u can reply anything just do it
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doofus
You are not wrong for sometimes just wishing she would go quicker. It’s such a horrible experience to watch someone you love die slowly and experience more stress instead of being able to celebrate their life, especially your own mother. Juggling the want to spend more time with someone and the want for them to experience as little pain or discomfort as possible is so hard. It’s heavy and painful to begin grieving someone who’s still alive and breathing infront of you.
Grief is such a complex and difficult process, it’s nonlinear and feels suffocating sometimes. The way it creeps in while you’re happy and turns it into guilt is harrowing. I want you to know that you’re not immoral or evil for just enjoying your life, at any point. You are not betraying or abandoning her when you allow yourself to be happy or think about yourself. Any mother would love to see her child smile and find their joy.
The weight of grief is heavy, I hope you and your mother can find peace. Sending much love 💛
tyyysm, it rally helps 2 read your reply
by vito.ISO; ; Report
Luzura XD💜✨
Im so sorry man, someone ur age should never have to go through this and im rlly sorry for your mom too. I wish her all the best and will pray for her. Take care 🙏