Slendytubbies 3 review

Didn't even bother with reviewing the first two games since they're both just slenderman copies with multiplayer. I know, who would've figured? Anyways, I'm mainly just reviewing this because I fucking LOVED this game when I was 12 (ik I was a geek ass nerd), and I don't even know why I just really liked it and thought it was cool. I just randomly remembered it one day and thought it'd be nice to play with my girlfriend. The game starts with Chapter 0—"It Was Good", which is supposed to act like a tutorial for people playing the game for the first time. I genuinely don't know how to say ANY of the character names without feeling any sort of embarrassment because for the love of GOD this is a game about Teletubbies, so I'm just gonna call them all "dawg" so I can distract myself from the fact that I spent 3 hours on this shit, and honestly I get mixed up with them anyways so. You play as Red Dawg at first, and the game starts with them just staring at the ocean before being approached by the vacuum cleaner dude telling them to get the custard ready for lunch, which is just getting a few items to prepare the food and talking to a few characters. There's Purple Dawg, who is supposed to be Red Dawg's best friend, he's pretty chill, yknow. Then there's Yellow Dawg, she's fucking depressed for some reason, and then you have Green Dawg, who sits down like a Slavic criminal. It's really basic and is just meant to introduce you to the characters and controls. One thing that you'll realize is that for whatever reason the dev thought it'd be a good idea to try to replicate Silent Hill's camera controls. Yknow, the camera everybody agrees is absolutely horrendous. Anyways, everyone goes to bed later, and a cutscene starts. You see Purple Dawg completely fuck up the custard machine and immediately run out as soon as you try to confront him about it. This is where you're presented with your first set of choices. You can either wake everybody up or go out alone. I'm not sure whether this affects the ending or not, but I'll tell you what happens at the end of each result. Anyways, the game switches to first person, which is how you'll be playing most of the time, and you'll end up going to the lake to try to find Purple Dawg. Nothing happens there, but the one thing that is left there is a bowl of bright pink custard, and you'll be forced to go back home. If you woke everybody up, you'll end up seeing Yellow Dawg killed and having their eyes torn out, if you didn't, then you'll see Green Dawg getting their head chopped off. Either way, this leads to you getting chased by Purple Dawg who is a COMPLETE tweaker now, which is mainly just a bunch of quick time events that can be kinda finicky, and for some reason you're able to jump 60 feet in the air, but it doesn't matter anyways because it ends with Red Dawg getting killed anyways. And that's where the first chapter ends. For what it is, it's not bad, I wouldn't say it's good either, it's kinda mid but compared to the first two games, it's already a huge improvement in quality. After that though, chapter 1—"A New Day" is when the game really starts, your perspective shifts to The Guardian, which is just a white Teletubby with a sick ass top hat and is the main character of the story. He's in a secret lair of the world and is constantly monitoring the 4 main Teletubbies, obviously, since he's in charge of that, he ends up witnessing all the murders. It's later revealed that the reason behind purple dawg tweaking the fuck out was because of a malfunction with the custard machine, which idk about you but usually bathsalts aren't included in food for kids tv characters. So to make sure nobody else has bathsalt custard, you gotta find a way to find them all and get rid of them, but first you gotta get your night vision camera. There's like a little puzzle here that took me a while, but that's more so because of something in the corner that I missed, but once you get your night vision camera, shit starts to go bad. The power goes out, and your secret lair gets invaded by a bunch of other tellytweakers, so you have to do a short stealth section to get past them. After getting out, you're presented with 5 different locations, and you're supposed to find one bowl of custard in each. It doesn't matter what order you do them in since it'll end with the same thing anyways. Each area has, like, one tweaker, but I won't lie, their placements are straight ass cos they're so fucking easy to avoid or are just straight up not even in the same area as the custard. The only one I struggled with was the house because it turns out I wasn't supposed to go inside of it with the tweaker, I was just supposed to go right behind it outside. So there was no point in including an enemy. Once you get to the final location, though, you'll notice that purple dawg is standing right in front of the last custard bowl completely GEEKED, and that mf just ends up eating it anyways. Obviously that just makes things worse cos now Purple Dawg is a 20 foot tall mass of muscle who is like half an inch from your face and wants to kill you. This leads to another chase, this time without any quick time events, and you're forced to choose between 2 things: you can either run all the way to the mountains OR you can go into the caves. Either one will drastically change how the 2nd chapter will go. I decided to go to the caves instead of the mountains, and I didn't bother with replaying the game to see how the mountains play out, so take my opinions with a grain of salt here. But after that, Chapter 2—"The Journey"—starts. From what I know, you get buttfucked by a yeti in the mountains, and it's pretty basic gameplay, you just go through the area looking for any items you need and using them to escape. There's like an audio-based chase sequence at the end too. Whatever it is, I'd take it over the caves. I never really liked mazes, but holy fuck, the cave was especially annoying. Everything looks the exact fucking same, and you're getting chased by some buff orange dude the whole time. It's literally just constant trial and error until you get lucky enough and escape. Absolutely fucking horrible place, COMPLETE dogshit. I hate it so much, it's so annoying to go through. It pisses me off so much, istg. After that, though, you end up in the outskirts, if you didn't wake everyone up at the start, you'll meet Yellow Dawg, where it is revealed that the purpose of the guardian is to make sure nobody leaves Teletubby Land, and if they do, you just drag them back in anyways and force them to forget. Why? I don't fucking know. But since she's alive and well, you just go through the area without any threats, and the chapter ends with you leaving her behind before she succumbs to the effects of the custard (or with you putting her down). HOWEVER, if she did end up dying at the start, this area will end up being more difficult but still pretty easy, this time, Yellow Dawg will be mutated, and since her eyes were gouged, she won't be able to see you, BUT she can hear you. Doesn't matter though, you can literally run around with no fucking issues. You just have to collect all 8 custards, it's just supposed to be a return to form yknow. At the end, though, she'll be blocking the exit, so to get her out the way, you end up having to crush her with a couple of pillars nearby. She doesn't end up dying, but you can either put her down out of her misery by crushing her skull with a rock or just let her bleed out under the rubble. Obviously I beat that bitch to death. Honestly, this chapter can either be dogshit or pretty decent, it just really depends on the route you choose, which I think is really cool and adds extra replay value, but that finally leads us to the final chapter—"Run Away." I'm just gonna get this out of the way right now: there are a bunch of endings in this game, HOWEVER, I will mainly be focusing on 2 specific ones since all of the other ones are some variation of them. I also just realized I forgot to mention the endgame goal here too. You're trying to get to a satellite station to contact the military, but give me a fucking break. I'm writing this in the middle of the night, and I just wanna talk about the gameplay idc about the story. When you get to the satellite station, you have to jump over a laser tripwire, however I didn't notice this since I was busy singing Holding Out For A Hero by Bonnie Tyler. You know why? Because that song fucking slaps, and so does Short Circuit 2. I ended up getting blown up, though. But if you're not stupid like me and jump over it, you'll notice everybody is fucking DEAD. Well, except for one guy, he's in rough shape, and he tells you that you gotta find a keycard for another room and to be careful about some headless dude wielding a chainsaw like a maniac. So after crawling through the vents to get to the other side of the door, I notice some screaming and chainsaw noises, so I figured that the guy probably wasn't doing so good. After having intense hallucinations of my dead friends, finding the keycard, and making my way out, I start getting chased by Green Dawg, and after a while of thinking, I think he might've been that headless chainsaw guy mentioned earlier, he fit the description nicely. Now you can either try to escape OR you can grow a pair of fat balls and get him to hit the laser tripwire so that he ends up dying, and that's EXACTLY what I did. Now that he's dead, you can get the sick ass chainsaw and get ready for the final moments of the game. There you meet the vacuum guy from earlier, where he reveals that he was behind the custards being laced with bath salts, and the reason behind it was cos Teletubbies are weak and he wants to make them better by turning them all into zombies. It's a stupid fucking motive, but whatever, make an entire population retarded if you want; I really don't care anymore. He'll offer you to join him, and if you accept his offer, you'll get the evil ending where you're plunged into a tub of custard and become a mutant. This ending is gay and LAME. Well, not really, it's just not as fun as refusing his offer. You'll constantly get the option to accept it, but still. Now if you refuse, you get the best fucking section in an indie horror game I have EVER seen. The weird little pipe guy from the TV show comes out of the ground and turns into a fucking METAL GEAR, and you have to fight it using your chainsaw, and istg I was IN TEARS the whole time. THERE WAS FUCKING NU METAL PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND, WHICH SLAPPED. The mechanics were simple but SLAPPED, like none of it is hard to understand, but dude, it's so fun seeing the game turn into a sequel for Metal Gear Rising. I LOVE IT. The fight took a while, but in the game's defence, that could be a result of me sucking dick. If you think that's the only boss fight, though, it's far from it, you end up going outside of the satellite station and meeting up with the funky ass vacuum guy. Both of you have, like, an anime conversation, idk, and then later Red Dawg just walks in with his own fucking intro, and you have to throw hands with him. This fight with him is beautiful, dude. The music is even better here. Like, I shit you not when I tell you this, but it was a genuinely really good song. Who would've guessed a nu metal song made for a Teletubby fangame would go so hard? The fight was also really good, there are like 3 phases, and the character design for the 2nd and last phases was pretty good. Although this fight also takes a while, I'd say it was still a lot funner than the Metal Gear fight. Once you eventually kill him, you'll get the ending where you confront Vacuum Dude, and he reveals that he created an entire army of Teletubbies that will kill every living thing possible. So you end up cutting him in half with your chainsaw, and the military pulls up to see what happened. You end up explaining what just happened to them, and they end up finding the entire army the vacuum dude created, and that's where the game ends. The story is continued in the multiplayer mode, but honestly I mainly just wanted to focus on a review for this campaign specifically since I had so much fucking fun with it. Like, yeah, I'll admit that it's far from perfect and the story is pretty stupid, but I had so much fun with it overall that I really don't care about how flawed it is. I might review the multiplayer at some point if it's really worth doing so, but I'm not sure, from what I know, it's just a zombie shooter and has the game modes from the first 2 games. Overall, it's a pretty decent game, but you'll have a lot of fun if you're going in with pretty low expectations.

Rating: 6/10