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i dont usually post stuff at all and i'll probably freak out about this too and delete it soon but ehh..???
i think dating is kinda messed up. particularly online dating i guess because i dont really go outside nor have the interest also in part cuz im moving soon.
its so hard to even get to the point of talking to a girl, and when i do most of the time i get ghosted outright... its just weird. i feel like a jester having to entertain someone just so they acknowledge i exist and honestly ive been kinda tired of it and that just resulted in a graveyard of ppl i talked to where i'll just be like "okay well ive been initiating every conversation for like 4 days now... surely this time if i leave them be for a bit they'll go first??? right???" and that just doesnt happen..
its frustrating because i yearn to do certain things for someone special and cant. im not trying to get pity points because there were 3 cases in my life starting from middle school up until this year where someone was interested in me but i just... didnt like them. and obviously im not saying that everyone should like me, or even every 100th person, but when opportunities to get to know new people are so scarce, require u to put urself out there and the interactions are so low quality u just start to wonder why ur even doing it in the first place, if u should just stop trying.??
and i cope by doing exactly that! i'll try for a while, and then once my gut tells me that theres too much bullshit i just erase any trace of myself ever existing... not that it makes a difference becuase im the one always reaching out but its like a statement to myself that i just cant keep doing that.... and then once the need for that type of intimate connection grows again over a few weeks or a month, i just go back and do it all again, and feel like an utter idiot after trying again and again...
anyways that was a pretty pathetic rant. whatever.
what do u people think?? guys and girls. i wonder what its like for yall who are actively searching, i wanna hear what u think and ur opinions on all this, if maybe some of u have experienced feeling this way towards dating and what u did abt it.
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stelle
dating is odd. i’ve fallen in love half a dozen times, and only once or twice does it ever truly work out. i’m a demiromantic and i just find it impossible to fall in love with sm1 i’m not emotionally close to or sm1 who i js dont know super duper flipping well who also knows me super duper well. people nowadays just ghost others a lot for no reason, but also, i guess it just makes it a lot more.. nice when you do somehow find a hidden gem in the sand. it does get draining after a point when you’re the one initiating everything.. but even if it’s draining, i still have atleast a bit of hope and spirit left that i’ll find someone who’s cool and willing to listen to my rambles and handle my ‘chalant’ness (since i am not nonchalant AT ALL! ahahah… yeah anyway)
Nexus
Honestly? I've been down that road myself all too much before I found my partner. The best thing I can really say as just some random idiot over the internet to another person on the internet, some advice that was given to me in my time of need. Love yourself, and focus on that instead of LOOKING for love, let it find you.