lacking community

it sometimes feels like people just don't really want to communicate as much, whether out of fear/lack of trust, or feeling like it's too much of a bother even if they feel lonely... personally, i've always been pretty socially awkward, but it's just a little sad.

last year my family moved states to a slighter larger city... not one of the big famous interesting ones, but closer to a city. the local library here has self-checkouts. there's nothing wrong with that, but i remember feeling a lot closer to the librarians when you would go up to the counter and have them check you out. remembering all their faces and names. i understand preferring a self-checkout if there was a long line or if you were taking out a book on sensitive topics, but i pretty much only ever see people using the self-checkout. i'm guilty of it too. there's also this feeling of... if i can do it myself, why bother the librarians? but that's just one way i feel like we're losing touch with the people around us.

but if there are any librarians on this site, what do you think? would you like for people to come up to you to check-out books even if there's a self-checkout? idk

recently i managed to get a job at a small consignment store. it's managed mostly by a lady and her husband, and she's employed 6 other girls around my age (16-20). i'm enjoying working somewhere where i have the opportunity to know all of my co-workers by name and that doesn't feel *too* 'corporate', but i feel as if that also gives the other people working there an opportunity to realize just how awkward and boring i am. even if we do become 'friends', would we still hang out outside of work, or is that weird? well, you gotta be a friend to have a friend, right? so what if i asked one of them if they wanted to hang out sometime?

still, they might think i'm kinda weird and naive. there's a chance they're only being nice to me because they have to, but actually want nothing to do with me...

back when i was taking some college classes earlier this year (duel enrollment), one of my classmates actually invited me to the school's saga club (sexuality and gender acceptance), but i declined because my parents are very conservative and i was afraid of what they would think if i wanted to take part in a club like that. i don't think i look particularly queer, so i wonder why she invited me. although, it was an art class lol. that's definitely just a personal issue...

hey, how can we ever hope to peer into the hearts of others when we are too afraid to divulge our own?

just some thoughts !