diary entry #1 (slight TW)

i dont want to lie to myself anymore. i love sexual encounters with every girl and every boy. it makes me feel desired and almost alive. i dont care who i kiss. i dont care if they dont love me. i just love it when they pay attention to me, when they say i am "hot", "sexy", "attractive". i love making them easily attached because of my "good looks" and "personality". i love making them think i am the only perfect person for them that listens, cares, and not judges. its just so easy. i love it when i sleep with anyone that is attached to me. like my feelings are not important, if they desire me, then i shall sleep with them no matter what. 

only if i didnt love philosophy, physics and such interesting topics, i would probably become a manwh0re. but not those ones that is easily breakable, i would be those that are unapproachable emotionally. the ones that break hearts just because he doesnt feel any romantic attraction. the ones that only desire men and women. thats all. and, haha, its weird but, after every sexual encounter, i just feel more dirty inside. i love that feeling?.. yeah, i do love it. i wouldnt even give a damn if someone i know just approached me and start to kiss me all of a sudden even though i didnt ask for it. i would enjoy it a lot, if they are a bit attractive like me, it would be the best thing ever. but to be honest i dont really care about looks THAT much either.. i love chubby girls, chubby boys, people that have big noses, thin lips, or whatever. if they dont smell bad and are well-groomed, i love it.

well thats all for today i guess, thanks for reading the first entry of my digital diary.