Things my dumbass friend does: part 1

1. I show up to his house today right? He tells me to be quiet "shhhh shhhh" he says. HE FARTS RIGHT ON MY FACE. I DIDN'T ASK TO COME OVER AND HAVE A PINK EYE PARTY.

2. On the topic of farting... I forget what he said before this but I slapped his ass and I kid you not like clockwork he rips the wettest craziest most diabolical dookie of life. Smelt crazy then he wafted it in my face 

3. I'm standing at his bedroom door trying to escape the smell as he laughs like a maniac (mind you there are other people here that I don't feel like interacting with) so I say "I could go out there to escape the smell but the people..." And then he walks over grabs his door crosses his legs and genuinely trips over himself and almost eats shit while saying "I mean you could" then gets up and says "so you want some candy?"

4. "If I was a fuggler my name would be overbite McGee" he has the most diabolical overbite of life btw

5. I bought some new bras today and wanted to show them off because that's what we do and he immediately grabbed it out of my hands and sniffed the cup