Random Blog #33

Ooh... I haven't felt this depressed and lonely in a while 😬

Normally, I don't mind my own company but that's also because I might come off as weird or awkward when I try talking to someone. Not making my social anxiety any better. I don't even think I'm an introvert at this point.

I'm just finding out that my mom has been talking behind my back too. It's just been an overwhelming past few months and I finally got that whiplash that I'm just alone.

It doesn't happen often but there are moments I'm just like "Damn, what am I doing?" "I should install a pen pal app (which I had a bad experience with)" "Should I go outside? (which leads to me having very bad allergies)"

But of course, I can always watch videos or movies. Play games and make myself something nice to eat but even that seems hard to do. All I want to do is sleep and hide from everything, but that'll just make me more alone and depressed. It's a whole cycle.

Then I remind myself on how someone might take advantage of me. How they can backstab me. Leave me worse than I already am. What if I choose wrong? And I definitely don't want a friendship out of trauma.

I kind of gave up trying and I sure as hell don't want a friendship out of pity or because someone felt bad for me.

Anyways, this has been one of the worst years.