an angel, by haruki

i dedicate this to adrian.

(first poem ever btw, srry if its shit LMAO)

i dreamed of an angel when i was young and small

i wished night after night upon every shining star 

perhaps one day my desperate wish would come true

if i had just wished loud enough, maybe it’d be true 

i dreamed of an angel, kind and sweet

adorned in white from its head to its feet

forgiving and pure, as bright as the sun 

i continued to dream for an angel i thought would never come

i dreamed and dreamed, until i could no more

haunted by reality, it all became a bore

perhaps if i wished a little more, my dream would’ve come true 

or perhaps i was too young to understand i was a fool

tainted by sorrow, i grew unhappy 

and the world around me started to seem more sappy

a disgusting thing it was to love another 

such pointless games to be soft like butter 

i was no longer forgiving or kind

for there was a monster clouding my mind 

it danced and laughed as it bruised my heart 

i no longer felt pain, for i welcomed it home 

the monster died, but the bruise had still grown 

i’d almost forgotten what was causing my pain 

until i looked in the mirror and realized we were one and the same

i cried until dawn, praying something would change 

but my knees had grown sore from carrying so much weight

i prayed for an angel to come save my life

or else it’d be taken from me before it reached night 

as the blade kissed my throat before i said goodbye

an angel showed up and decided it’d change my mind

but the angel i saw was not forgiving or pure 

it wasn’t dressed in white, like i had dreamed before

i thought it was nothing but i had been proven wrong

as the days began to pass, the sorrow stopped singing its song 

months had gone by, and the sorrow had returned 

but it did not stay for long, it always bid adieu 

time continued to pass and i was left confused 

why had the sorrow left? did it find another muse?

a year had passed and i had finally understood

why the bruises began to heal, and why the wounds would close

i dreamed of an angel and it had come true

but i never expected the angel would’ve been you

a foolish thing it was to be in love 

or that was what i thought, until i had met you

i love you more then i’ll love anything else 

and for you, i’ll be a fool that can love nothing else.

i dreamed of an angel,

and now i hold him in my arms.

a selfish thing i am, unpure and untrue,

with dirt under my nails and no proper virtue, 

but as dirty and unkind i have turned out to be, 

at least i have an angel

that willingly loves me.