oh thats a disturbing dream.... look i wrote about it !!! (CW: Violence)

This is a bit graphic and long asf just for a silly thing so like....
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I never expected to be here. The cold air filling my senses and leaving me shivering but not as much as the view below the mountain did. You could see the landscape decorated with greenery before being overrun by man-made buildings that always gave me an eerie soulless feeling since I saw them tower over my body as a little girl. I knew I was high up, I had to have been with how small everything below me looked, but I couldn’t find the ledge. It was almost as if the mountain stretched endlessly with no way down.

The only sign of other people I could find was in a quaint little open restaurant on the side of the rocky pathway. My curiosity got the better of me as I approached it, finding one too many big burly men in black suits seated on those cheap plastic stools.
Despite the fact that they were all seated at different tables, a stench of cigarettes and alcohol lingering on them, I felt they were a part of something bigger than myself.
I never liked men in suits. It was like the suits gave them the ego they needed to lecture or look down on me, scrutinizing every little thing down to the very atoms that made me, just like how they were all doing right now.

I saw an old friend of mine sitting on one of the stools, giving the elderly waitress his order. She was the only semblance of warmth in this place with that gentle smile that could make anyone feel comfortable.
However I was focused on something else. I couldn’t see his face but I could tell it was him, his hair was the same, his hand movements when he spoke was scattered as ever, and that damning weight that brought me to my knees when I was near him.
I couldn’t tell if it was love, fear or obsessive devotion. It was foolish of me to assume I had gotten rid of that weight. I know in the deepest untouched depths of my soul, I would still run into his arms every time.
A stab to my abdomen would not deter me as I would simply thrust myself further onto the blade just to be millimeters closer to him. 

I’m pulled out of my thoughts when one of the men pull out a small knife, preparing to lunge at the person who haunts my everyday life. In that instant, all rational thought left my mind, leaving a body running purely on adrenaline and desperation.
Desperation to save the one person that never made me feel like someone I wasn’t.
Maybe I was clinging onto the version of myself that only existed in his eyes, trying to save her instead but right now I was standing over a helpless coward on the floor as I bashed his head against the curb, my stomps growing more and more violent with every one.

My hands scrambled to reach into my pockets, finding a singular black pen but that didn’t stop me from plummeting it into his lifeless body multiple times. By the time my body drained of all energy, this had stretched on to what seemed like hours, the mans face is unrecognizable at this point and his body was completely mutilated. 
I straighten myself up, panting like a dog, to see everyone but the elderly lady, who seemingly disappeared, staring at me. Not in fear, disgust, anger or pity. They just looked at me. I think that’s worse than any reaction I could’ve thought to receive.
The only thing that showed the most emotion were the trees around the restaurant, shaking their branches in disdain. 
I turn around to see the person I protected, he’s probably horrified but at least he’s safe. I’m instead met with silence.

Cold coffee, with a faint smell of chocolate just like he always liked it, left on the table and the winds carrying his absence and whispers of what could’ve been.
I have exhausted my entire body but my mind was running at a million miles an hour as I trembled with every step I took, looking around for him.
I did all of this for him, if I couldn’t even see the way he looked at me then what was the point?
I need something from him.
Anything.
I needed some sort of acknowledgment from him, the slightest shift in tone, furrow in his brows or look in his eyes. How else am I meant to live?
It didn’t take too much time before I saw him running off, being led by his captor. Her long dark hair streamed behind her like a ribbon in the breeze as her dress flowed gracefully with every movement.
She looked like an angel.
I found the way down the mountain as my eyes followed their figures running down the path that would free me from this nightmare. I could’ve chased after him, asked him why or brutishly grab that girls hair with my blood stained hands, making her meet the same fate as the last man; but I didn’t. 
I didn’t run after him. I didn’t plead or beg until my stomach churned with shame. I am tired.
My body stood still for a while watching as they grew smaller and smaller the farther they went before dragging myself over to the unmoving body.
The guilt only began to consume me when the results of my actions stared back at me, unyielding. I was terrified to close my eyes from the fear of seeing that image burned into the back of my eyelids when I do.
I carefully extracted the pen out of the disgusting mush of flesh, worrying about leaving any fingerprints. I have absolutely no idea why I decided to do so.
I know all these men have seen my face already but now their backs are turned to me while they casually drink coffee.
Although it was like I never killed one of their own, I know better than that.
I stare down at my hands and I know.
I know it’s too late.
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(1022 words) :3
If you did read this entire thing thanks a bunch n drink some water <3