Am i crushing or am i crushed!

Rare aesthetic: Finding out your crush has a gf

I came across his page on tt in my June or July possibly even earlier. The first thing I saw was that this dude has awesome style. Curly hair, nose ring and he dresses emo like maybe a downtown or midwest emo style. Extremely attractive might I add. Now ofc im exaggerating and possibly literally sound unemployed and miserable its embarrassing atp. I watched his videos almost everyday I didn't even really like him that much until...we'll get back to that. I would never really interact unless his story popped up or his video are on my fyp. Mind you I had no chance with this guy and he lives in a whole different continent, even though I didn't think of it much in the beginning all he really seems to post his videos of himself like his really feeling himself in like every video..with the hashtag meow..he was more eye candy than anything until...one night I was high off my ass and I felt like watching his videos and as I came across this one video which was a normal video of him btw, something told me to open his comment section low and behold I see a girl commenting something and only her comment was liked by him, then I scrolled down and someone said "get back with ____" and his response was "she's already mine" bro.      My heart absolutely sank, went to her page and saw them kissing -shattered-. This is a different kind of pain and all of a sudden I had actually really liked him the moment I was crushed when I found out he has a gf. And she's so beautiful like soo beautiful. Yes I cried actual tears bro its embarrassing. I had no one to tell this too and I doubt anyone will see this but it had to come out...

Extra info: Yes his page was sorta popular so many girls were thirsting for him im his comment section. One thing thay I thought was weird was why is there like no sign that he has a gf but on her page his everywhere and he hasn't posted her...red flag maybe? Also no, im not going to do anything about it but hurt from afar im not a homewrecker im a girls girl. Shit happens but I don't stoop that low. Lastly I've had a crush on him for over 2 months almost, so its actually really hard for to get over him rn, he made me listen to midwest emo music again and fall back into that aesthetic where I got more music and artists from, all because I liked him I started liking this whole aesthetic...and all I can listen to is Is This Love by Whitesnake and cry. 

When u sad about it and u realize that you'll never get that perfect dude that's just right for u, you won't always get what you want and always have to watch others have the best parts of life while your existence slowly rots away. Everything becomes dark for a few moments, then u go back onto your phone repeating the samw thing everyday and wonder why things never go your way.

Sorry for this long ramble on a stupid boy its so embarrassing, i hope someone reads this and realize that they arent alone. Life happens either take it as it is or fade into dime all up to you.

So...am i crushing or am i crushed?

Cause im...⬇️

Currently mourning something I never had 💭🩶