first days abroad in ireland and it was so bad

Ok, jsut by the title it has nothing to do personal with the country, if anything i love it. I was going to attend TY in ireland this year, in fact i took the plane the 29th of august.

they delayed my flight by an hour, i was tired as heck, the house i was hosted at wasnt even clean or organized; my room smelled like tobacco (excplicitely explained in my requirements for a non-smoking family)...the family was nice, yes, but thats about it.

i was feeling homesick the first day obviously, and it wasnt just that, i was feeling anxious. i have a high loevel of anxiety said by my therapist, and honestly i think instead of taking baby steps i took a big leap. i got so anxious i woke up thrice that same night with anxiety and i had dreams about it. i felt anxious about knowing that the next day i'll have to live it, and do mundane things like even measuring my uniform. 

it's not just missing my home and my family, it's feeling overwhelmed by everything. im neurodivergent so it affects me even more. my room wasnt even suited correctly for a stay abroad, i didnt even have a proper nightstand, the closet wouldnt open, there was dust everywhere, the bed was horrible and uncomfortable. 

i couldve stayed there for a few days until i get used to it, but thats not how it works for me, i just know that by waiting itd make it worse. my parents told me not to worry about the money and that what's important is my mental health. i was feeling numb and depressed.

during the third day, i got picked up by my parents and i went back to spain. theyll refund some of the money though not completely. ill go to my late school and surprise my friends. this is what i truly wanted, but the excitement didnt allow any of us to think things throughly and say: "im not mature enough for this."