"Don't Forget: You're Here Forever"

Sometimes when I get sick I make the mistake of thinking too long and too hard on the immortality of the soul. I'm steadfast in my faith (or at least I like to think I am), and I have few doubts when it comes to God's plan for me (and for all the world), but what ultimately bothers me is the idea of eternity. I of course hope to be worthy of making it to Heaven one day, but then what comes after that? Eternity. Literally no end. To anything. Ever. 

I saw a video not too long ago on this concept called "The Library of Babel", which is a library where every conceivable work of text exists. As stated on The Library of Babel website --- 

"If completed, it would contain every possible combination of 1,312,000 characters, including lower case letters, space, comma, and period. Thus, it would contain every book that ever has been written, and every book that ever could be - including every play, every song, every scientific paper, every legal decision, every constitution, every piece of scripture, and so on."

To put that in perspective, if every single atom that existed in the universe represented just one singular book, there still wouldn't be enough atoms in existence to fill up the library. The Library exists as a sort of purgatory; you are sent there as punishment, but you get to leave under one condition: you find the book that is about you. This may seem easy, but remember: of any one piece of text that exists, there are likely billions of other copies that are ever-so-slightly different. And this exists for EVERY piece of text that ever has existed, currently exists, or ever could exist. 

The reason I bring this up is because even though the Library of Babel is on such a scale that it's pretty much impossible to conceptualize, there is a definitive end. No matter how long it could take, even if you comb through every book there, at some point you will reach the end. Now consider your own soul and the thought of the afterlife. At some point, you WILL die, and your soul will be subjected to eternity. There will be no end to anything --- you will exist forever, and that's final.

When I think about this, it fills me with an overwhelming amount of dread. Even if I do hopefully make it to Heaven, I don't feel prepared for the idea of existing eternally. At least in life, when you're going through anything, whether it be good or bad, there's always the consolation that it will end at some point. But that all ends once you die, and in an ironic twist of fate, the thing that served as consolation when you were alive has become the very thing that takes you to the next endless plane of existence. 

While I very much hope to make it to Heaven, I honestly don't feel prepared to deal with eternity. That being said, I must remember one thing: God is infinitely good. There is literally no end to the joy you could feel while in Heaven. Each moment can only be better than the last. While the idea of existing in eternity does feel crushing, and I don't think it's just going to magically disappear one day, I must have faith in God and what he has prepared for me.

Sorry if this feels like a jumbled mess, I'm just kind of throwing my thoughts on a wall and seeing what sticks. Thanks for reading :3