A Glimpse Into My Soul -EP- "Hypocrite"

Hypocrite

How hypocritical I’ve grown to be. How could I? How could I miss the nights where chains bind my limbs forbidding me to seek warmth from myself. Missing when the void in the corners of that room that watch me as I writhe, as I avoid mirrors. They watched me as I screeched and scrambled to find air while finding pleasure in suffocating. They watch as the nightly shadow eats away the pearls I so safely kept hidden in myself, draining me of honey instead letting me swallow iron and salt, they watch as I slowly gave in. There are days where I stopped struggling, the restraints no longer of use. How miserable I was but oh how I’ve felt so very alive. 

I’ve forgotten how much it made me want to die despite it giving me life, forcing me to breathe as every bit of my flesh is peeled away, how the nightly shadow drinks his fill and how he takes his time. If it weren’t for the pleasure of the pain, I would have never wished morning would come so badly, just to runaway from the night. 

Now I search for it, for the pain that once forced me to get up and run, although I might not need it anymore, I sometimes find myself searching for it. How very odd of me to crawl back to something I never want to live in again. 

 -E