College starting soon, need to romanticize it asap: Journal 9.5

I was supposed to make an entry last week, but got busy for the first time and had things i needed to get done. As mentioned in previous entries, I start my journey into film school this year in 1 day. I had a lot things I needed to do last minute that I'll have to run tomorrow to finish before life gets real for me. I spent my last few days with a friend going out back to back 2 times the whole day and I owe her so much for being such an amazing friend. Just a lot is coming to me right now as I inch closer towards my start date and Idk how to feel. 

It's like the theme in devil wears prada when Andy is unaware that her whole life is about to change in an instant when everyone begins to rush out of control as of Miranda arriving earlier then usual. For me it's like I'm Andy and my soon to be new chapter of my life is Miranda Priestley, I'm am oblivious to time and unaware of what its going to do to me when it arrives behind my back to snatch me. Then it hits and suddenly I'm in the basement of the school chatting amongst future artists, writers, and filmmakers including myself whom might become so of my closest friends and the most important people to the foundation of myself and my art. They way Andy is oblivious to how she climbs up the ranks and suddenly she's in Paris not even thinking about the fact she's there.
Except for me, i won't get pulled down like Andy dragged back down to the mediocre life of her miserable trashy friends forced back to square one, I'm not going to let anyone pull me down from how high I've climbed.
If you want to go back down, be my guest, but I want to see the top of the mountain and see my progress before my eyes before it's even happened. 

I had my orientation day just a couple days ago and it's something I didn't even think about until being emailed the day before it was. I showed up a bit late, but surprisingly it was alright since not everyone was seated yet. I had made it just on time and wow what an event. It felt strange being in a room with so many people from all over and just a couple from the city realizing I was apart of this chosen bunch of students who they saw potential and a vision. The school I went to doesn't have a super low acceptance rate, but its really when you're actively working that acceptance rate begins to show. Just the fact I got in gave me the hope I needed to push myself to wait until this day. I expected a boring speech of motivation, but as I listened, I started to sink in that this was where I belonged.

Everything from the moment a decided to draw in 6th grade really meant something and I guess I almost cried a bit just being so happy that I stuck around for this and that years of crying over sketchbooks, disappointing family, broken friendships and a necessity to draw to keep me sane flourished into a passion and drive for the artistry.

I remember being 12 maybe 13 sitting outside on the bench during lunch. I had been drawing for a bit, but hadn't thought about it as a passion I had. I grew up on art that I indulged in as a kid. My family was against it and wasn't artsy in any way or took part in music, movies, clothing or anything. I had to find that all myself and i think it was at a point I began to yearn and from then its been yearning for more than what I had. I had come to accept I wouldn't have things like siblings, friends, a dad or stable family like other kids so it became about escaping myself and this life. 7th grade I committed to it one night after being sick of this life and from that moment on I was determined (somewhat) to get somewhere be it anywhere else but here.

If I look back
years of trying to find something to be
something to inspire...

(Was trying to share some old art as just a lookback but it won't show up)

I feel like now I'm about find what I've been looking for
That sense of belonging and purpose deep within that secures me
I now know what I want and I'm finally free from confusion

This is what I want to do.