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I am tired of meeting men who treat every app game or otherwise as a dating tool. This is more meant as a vent, tho I tried to thread carefully.
And also, it may seem a very binary post, but I assure you it can resonate with anyone. Even queer women, men and enbys are harassed by men. No one is safe, not even the trees (lorax help us)
I'm no scientist, but I am human. And I can observe that men, like women, and dogs, are social creatures. Some say we are born alone and die alone. They might be right. But we all arrive at this naked and scary existence craving for something to fill the emptiness that is so barbarically carved in our bones. We realize it upon the construction of the ego, but the stepping stones are laid down from the very beginning.
Men have an issue with loneliness that is quite different than that of their two other respective colleagues. One that transcends poetry and reaches...well..statistics.
Allow me to explain VERY BROADLY. A woman from a usual household in Tokyo, or Quebec, is taught from a young tender age to be mindful. In the sense of others, their feelings, emotions, expressions and words. We are given fake babies to love unconditionally. We take care of our siblings and accept the role of third parent. We get taught how to do chores as any normal child should. We learn from our mothers, already molded into the societal ideal and often times already tired from its chains, how to be feminine, how to express ourselves, how to act and react.
We are lonely, but not in the same way as a man, or their associate, the dog. We cry to ourselves then swallow our pain and keep going. We learn from a young age to bottle whatever boundaries or 'selfish' emotions we might feel because we do not wish to complain. We bully emotionally and mentally, often attacking each other's social image. We put the other first. Always and forever. Because that's what it is to be a mother. And that's what we're seen as the moment we are born.
The man, the face of every coin, the character of every movie. The hero, the villain and the cuck sitting in a chair narrating the story.
He is taught none of this.
He is welcomed and encouraged to express his disdain and rude opinion. He is free to complain and will often be taught how to be violent before learning when to avoid to. He talks with his fists, waits for the table to be set, and weaponizes incompetence to have his mother do it for him, just like his father.
I, again, warn that this is not by any means meant to be an exaggeration. But if the hat fits, be aware of it, and please take it off. It's unsightly.
Continuing.
They (men) are thus the masters of their universe. Or at least, that's the american dream they are sold around the world. Of course, there are expectations for their gender as well. I'd be a rather scorned narrator if I refrained to note how they are expected to carry their families future on their backs and be career driven at all times. They are rarely allowed the openness to cry, and are often left to their own devices under the pretense of 'boys will be boys'. This of course carries many consequences that we see today taking place.
I'm no scientist, but I am human. And I can observe that men, like women, and dogs, are social creatures. Some say we are born alone and die alone. They might be right. But we all arrive at this naked and scary existence craving for something to fill the emptiness that is so barbarically carved in our bones. We realize it upon the construction of the ego, but the stepping stones are laid down from the very beginning.
Men have an issue with loneliness that is quite different than that of their two other respective colleagues. One that transcends poetry and reaches...well..statistics.
Allow me to explain VERY BROADLY. A woman from a usual household in Tokyo, or Quebec, is taught from a young tender age to be mindful. In the sense of others, their feelings, emotions, expressions and words. We are given fake babies to love unconditionally. We take care of our siblings and accept the role of third parent. We get taught how to do chores as any normal child should. We learn from our mothers, already molded into the societal ideal and often times already tired from its chains, how to be feminine, how to express ourselves, how to act and react.
We are lonely, but not in the same way as a man, or their associate, the dog. We cry to ourselves then swallow our pain and keep going. We learn from a young age to bottle whatever boundaries or 'selfish' emotions we might feel because we do not wish to complain. We bully emotionally and mentally, often attacking each other's social image. We put the other first. Always and forever. Because that's what it is to be a mother. And that's what we're seen as the moment we are born.
The man, the face of every coin, the character of every movie. The hero, the villain and the cuck sitting in a chair narrating the story.
He is taught none of this.
He is welcomed and encouraged to express his disdain and rude opinion. He is free to complain and will often be taught how to be violent before learning when to avoid to. He talks with his fists, waits for the table to be set, and weaponizes incompetence to have his mother do it for him, just like his father.
I, again, warn that this is not by any means meant to be an exaggeration. But if the hat fits, be aware of it, and please take it off. It's unsightly.
Continuing.
They (men) are thus the masters of their universe. Or at least, that's the american dream they are sold around the world. Of course, there are expectations for their gender as well. I'd be a rather scorned narrator if I refrained to note how they are expected to carry their families future on their backs and be career driven at all times. They are rarely allowed the openness to cry, and are often left to their own devices under the pretense of 'boys will be boys'. This of course carries many consequences that we see today taking place.
If you don't care to teach the boy how to be a person, then you end up instead with a man who doesn't know how to connect with people. If you don't care to teach the girl how to be a child, then you end up instead with a woman that cannot grow further than what she already was forced to.
And that brings me, of course, to the word love.
Women quite often develop this idea that we must earn it by checking through bulletin points of beauty, purity and humility. We must earn someone's affection, never assume that we deserve it. It's part of the charm, or whatever they say.
When it comes to men, the tables turn.
A man will demand it, as if his unwanted efforts, much like a scam street artist, were your responsibility to cover the costs of. They will search high and wide through every corner of the world and the wide webs for someone that will engage with them in the act of flirting. They will ask questions to which the answers they don't really care to hear. They will try to steer the conversations towards a specific goal. They will make innuendos and fake only wanting to be friends at the beginning just to pry and force and slither into your life. When in reality, they want not love, but companionship. A wife, mother and hot lover. A servant with extra steps and no pay.
Women are often times a different conversation. We tend to have this sick and twisted idea that, again referring to a previous paragraph, we need to appease, to silence ourselves, to become invisible to be liked. So, we become fascinated with obsessive possession. Men that will love us to death no matter how we wake up or what we wear or if there are pimples in our face. We mail love letters to incarcerated men and read watch and binge series pertaining toxic love because, even if their love is intoxicating and we'd be calling the police if we ever found ourselves in a dangerous situation, as Berensen said from The French Dispatch:
"It's a recognized condition. Something about the captivity of others enhances the experience of their own freedom."
This is where our friend, the canine, enters.
And that brings me, of course, to the word love.
Women quite often develop this idea that we must earn it by checking through bulletin points of beauty, purity and humility. We must earn someone's affection, never assume that we deserve it. It's part of the charm, or whatever they say.
When it comes to men, the tables turn.
A man will demand it, as if his unwanted efforts, much like a scam street artist, were your responsibility to cover the costs of. They will search high and wide through every corner of the world and the wide webs for someone that will engage with them in the act of flirting. They will ask questions to which the answers they don't really care to hear. They will try to steer the conversations towards a specific goal. They will make innuendos and fake only wanting to be friends at the beginning just to pry and force and slither into your life. When in reality, they want not love, but companionship. A wife, mother and hot lover. A servant with extra steps and no pay.
Women are often times a different conversation. We tend to have this sick and twisted idea that, again referring to a previous paragraph, we need to appease, to silence ourselves, to become invisible to be liked. So, we become fascinated with obsessive possession. Men that will love us to death no matter how we wake up or what we wear or if there are pimples in our face. We mail love letters to incarcerated men and read watch and binge series pertaining toxic love because, even if their love is intoxicating and we'd be calling the police if we ever found ourselves in a dangerous situation, as Berensen said from The French Dispatch:
"It's a recognized condition. Something about the captivity of others enhances the experience of their own freedom."
This is where our friend, the canine, enters.
You see, I have included the word dog a couple of times before, and you might've thought that I was simply making a joke. At first I was. But no longer, for you see...dogs are the ultimate proof of unconditional love.
Dogs will love you when you kick them. Dogs will love you when you starve them. Dogs will love you when you make a mistake, or smell bad, or forget to wash your clothes for the third week in a row. They will wag their tail just the same after you post cringe on the timeline. They will bring you the ball even if you fail the throw. Dogs will feel bad when they pee or poo inside even if its your fault you forgot to walk them.
Dogs love. Simply put.
And cats, well, there's a reason women love cats, but that's an essay for another day perhaps.
In my 25 years of living, ever since I was a little girl, I've been harassed, assaulted, stared at, cat called and threatened. Only one of these many many instances that still happen today has it ever been a woman.
I'm not saying women aren't capable of doing terrible things. Awful people will do awful things no matter their gender. But statistics don't lie.
Unprompted messages reach my DM's and inbox nearly every week from men twice my age trying to flirt even though I never touched a dating app in my life. I can't leave my house wearing a tank top without having a guy on a bicycle thinking I dressed that way for him. And online, the ocean of lonely men cannot stop blaming women for their own short comings. "It's because I don't earn enough" ; "Its because I'm not manly enough" ; "It's because I'm not hot enough".
Have you seen a woman's hear me out? Have you seen our standards? Yeah you can't? That's because they are in hell. If we cared at all about the appearance of men, maybe more of them would be wiping their ass.
If you don't love yourself, then no one will. It starts with you. It must start with you.
Love is not a commodity. Love is not obsession. Love is not easy. Love is not perfect.
Love is a promise that you must keep everyday.
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