The Hellstorm of August

…Good God I missed blogging.

Okay well first of all hello to all the few lovely people who find this and welcome back even if ur a friend of mine on here who has seen my blog before! I have obviously not been on here for the last year or so but it feels very good to be back.

Moving not so smoothly into the actual topic of this blog post…let’s talk about August. Well specifically we’re gonna talk about MY August. I don’t believe I’ve ever specified it on this blog, but my brother has cancer and has been dealing with that for over a year now. This isn’t something that’s been specifically plaguing me or anything, I know he’ll be alright but it’s relevant to the anxiety of this month. As I stated in my last post a year ago, life has been looking up! I was doing pretty well going into this month with a great friend group, good academics, and just a generally positive outlook on life! This of course has slowly attempted to crumble on top of me lately because August is a month straight from hell.

To start, at the beginning of the month all was going pretty well actually. I was still training for volleyball’s school season and getting my mind and body in shape during camps. I also saw my friends quite often and felt pretty happy each day! The only issue was the infamous college searching journey 👻!! Which is nothing crazy for me but my mom seems super stressed about me finding scholarships and visiting colleges and staying on top of applications. That’s actually where this all began.

At the first college visit I had a great time loved the campus all that. Sadly the same week on the day I was preparing to go on another visit I got a badddd migraine. This has happened in the past serval times but not consistently. The first times were when I was younger around 12 or 13 and we thought it was heatstroke and got migraine pills and they disappeared. The second was only a year or two ago when I had to get my wisdom teeth out and that took care of it easy. So naturally we assumed this was a tooth issue and got that checked out. I will go into the details of that in the next blog post but to make a long story short, I am not even sure of what the issue is now and August is over. 

On top of the growing migraine issue, tryout season began and I was doing amazing, but I got cut anyhow. So mind you I’m now dealing with major migraines almost daily and I just got cut from a sport I’ve been playing for the last three years that I sort of had my life planned around subconsciously. Not too torn up about it though I had seen it coming as I possibility, just a little disappointed and lost. The bright side was of course, my friends! I get to see them a lot more often now and they are always a great way to pick up my mood so it’s been nice to spend more time with them compared to if I was still in season.

Then circling back we meet the next issue which is that my brother ended up in the hospital again yesterday. Which was just a little extra stressful cause now it’s like a year ago when it first happened and everyone is extra stressed and the home atmosphere gets all awkward when one of my parents come home from the icu. He should be getting better to come home tomorrow though so like I said not worried but it feels a little discouraging to see him back in the hospital. 

Also on top of all this I’m still getting pressed about college??!?!!? Like honestly parents must live for stress cause how do have a son with cancer, a daughter with chronic migraines, and STILL think ‘oh this is a good time to yell at her about finding out what to do with her smarts” like huh??? Are you stupid?? But then when I crash out on them about demotivating me I’m evil or whatever okay 🫩

Anyhoo..! August is hell and September better be better! No, this is not a vent post, and NO it was not all bad. As I said I got to grow closer with my friends and school has been a lot easier this year as well so it’s more like I’m being constantly tossed between euphoric happy moments and depressingly frustrating lows in one day, every day. All this to say it feels like turning points are in my future and I missed blogging so here’s the more general life update before I go back to usual topic/themed posts. I seriously need to become a podcaster or smth atp lol, jk I love writing more than speaking by a longgggf shot.

So! Lmk your thoughts/how your august went! I’m glad to be back blogging cause we have much to discuss :)