The loneliness epidemic

I don't even know where to begin with this. My whole life I've always been shy & quiet & I know this. There have been times where I've wanted to say something or add my myself into a conversation but I couldn't. I had a neighbor who was a almost a decade older than me & I remember thinking she was the coolest, most boldest & confident person I had ever met. I absolutely admired her & looked up to her. Soon we became best friends, absolutely Unseperable. Me & my sis used to hangout with her whole day until night daily. Everyday we looked forward to seeing her cz she made us really happy & distracted us from our shitty home life. Everything was amazing until our family moved to a new place & we couldn't see each other often anymore. It was the worst feeling ever. And she would rarely visit. Then she recently moved to a whole new country so now I'll never see her again. I felt alone all over again. I've gone from friends to friends most of my middle school until grade 5. That is where I met my best friend Ruby (not her real name) she was funny, kind & very talkative. I was immediately hoooked by our shared weird sense of humor & sillyness. I thought she was so herself & it made me wanna be myself too, we clicked immediately. Her being an extrovert made me get out of my shell. She helped me talk & improved my socializing skills. She made me very very happy. I hated school bcz of certain teachers & students but Ruby made me want to go to school. Every day I would look forward to seeing her & talking to her. It was the best friendship I could've asked for. We even visited each other often outside of school. Everything was great until highschool. Ruby left before the end of ninth grade & I remember feeling so upset, nervous & scared to have to go through high school without her. She was the reason school was bearable, she was the reason I had someone to talk to, to laugh with. But now she was gone & I was all alone. My first day without her I remember I didn't wanna go that day. I was crying bcz I missed her & I knew that no one was gonna talk to me bcz everyone already had their own friends. Those years I absolutely dreaded going to school. Everyday I would sit alone & it was a reminder of how she used to sit next to me everyday. My classmates would be talking to each other in free time but I would just be there waiting for the day to end. Seeing other friend groups talk & laugh every day it killed me bcz it reminded me of Ruby & me. Even the teachers saw me sitting alone & felt pitty. Then after highschool I went to college. Ruhy wasn't at the college but we still visited often outside of school. In college I had two friends. They were great. They made me feel happy & distracted me from my shitty art teacher who had some sort of Vendetta against me. She was more of a bully than a teacher but that's a long story. The point is I was doing ok. When I was with them. Then I graduated college. And now fast forward to the present Ruby is married & doesn't have the time to hangout much. We still see each other yearly but it's not the same. And ever since then making friends has been impossible. I don't go out much at all so I can't make friends irl & even if I want to or try to they turn out to be a shitty person or it doesn't last long. Ever since college making friends has become more of a fantasy. A goal that I can never achieve. So I joined spacehey to have some sort of human interactions & that's great but at the end of the day I crave real friendship. A real, meaningful friendship but I just can't seem to succeed. It's like every time I try to make a connection other person backs out or I over think & think that no one wants to talk to me so why should I bother reaching out? That's why most of the time I never text first. It just feels like it's in my destiny to be alone. Like I can never find true friendship even if I try. If u struggle with the same thing then this is proof that you're not alone. Thousands of people feel the same way as u do. So when u really think about it. You're never really alone. There r people out there who would love to be ur friend & share their life with u. You just have to find them. Which is not easy trust me I know. But at least we can try. 

Sorry for the paragraph I guess I just really wanted to get this off my chest. It's something I've been struggling with my whole life. And I was just feeling very upset about it so, I decided to share it. God bless whoever read this all the way through 💀🙏