getting ready to get my hopes crushed

I decided to sometimes make blog entries about my life for no other reason than to keep myself from yapping out to someone I probably shouldn't trust. Like a public diary, no one knows me irl here. Not like anyone will read this, I don't count on that.

Tomorrow it all starts. Today I did nothing again, other than getting my clothes ready and logging in to the e-journal... I don't know how that translates, essentially a school page where you get updates regarding announcements and grades. I guess I ate some food and sat on YouTube all day and stared at a blank Google Doc again. I have no motivation to create, maybe it'll unleash when I go back to school.

It was a bit horrifying to see my school schedule. I start at 8:00 and end at 15:10 every day. 8 classes five times a week. I felt a bit sick to my stomach, but I feel like I overreacted. I'll get used to it. They did add stupid subjects that just fill up space, like "reconnect with your inner self through art" or "civic education," which I find stupid since we already have social studies.

I don't know what time to go tomorrow; there are no announcements, and nobody sent anything in the class group chat on Messenger (what a stupid app to have a group chat on, I'd prefer maybe Discord), so now I'm waiting for a reply from my only friend. Probably 8:00.

I'm still waiting for her reply. If I don't get it, I'll just wake up at 7:00 as usual. A few hours of waiting won't kill me.

My sleep schedule is completely messed up, so I'll have a problem falling asleep. Hopefully, tomorrow I'll be okay. I'll show up and go.

I spent all summer locked inside. I feel like I forgot how to talk with real people. At least going to school makes me not a hikikomori or something similar to this. Wikipedia says, "The primary characteristic of hikikomori is a state of severe social withdrawal where individuals confine themselves to their homes, often to a single room, for extended periods, typically six months or longer. This isolation involves a marked avoidance of social participation, such as attending school or work, and a reluctance to engage in social interactions even with family members."

I go to school. I talk with my family members. I went outside under a month in order to go to the store for myself. I'm not a shut-in by definition, I just prefer being indoors, I suppose. I'm better than in 6th grade anyway. I was awfully depressed. Sad times.

I hope I'll be alright.

Grammarly said this entry's tone is "sad, formal, and assertive." That's funny

Goodnight