blurb about my looks

It is hard to be ugly, and you don't even have to put work in to do it.

I don't think I've been ugly my whole life, in fact I think when I was younger, I was quite pretty. And it's not just a personal opinion, up until I was around 13, I was considered very beautiful to just about everyone I encountered, adult wise. Kids never tell you you're pretty. And I believe in that time I was very happy, I wasn't smart or anything, but I was considered pretty and I guess that was enough. 

But now at 22 I am incredibly ugly, no matter what I do. Even if at the time I think I'm pretty, one picture and any confidence I had was gone. One glimpse of my candid reflection and I want to go home and curl up and cry. Envy overcomes me when I'm in a photo with my friends and they're glowing and glorious and I look like I just crawled up from the third circle of hell. My face is round, my eyes are crooked, I don't smile because I don't like my teeth and it looks odd. I look out of place and it's jarring in a photo where everyone else looks beautiful. Why can't I be like that?

And when you mention this to anyone they tell you you're not, love you're my friend I know you wouldn't tell me I look like an eldritch horror. But I do and there's no denying it when people pass us by and I am the only one that people can't muster up a compliment for. Mind you this has happened more than once.

I look at others and I feel attraction to them and then feel like a horrible awful creep because I look like this. I can feel my body around me, my features, my weight, my hair, my hands, my eyes, my lips, my teeth, all of it disgusts me and I'm stuck with it. It's a horror I can't escape it surrounds me and overcomes me and it is me.

I remember when I was little the doctor asked me if I ever thought about harming or killing myself and I said "Why would I kill myself? I love myself!" and now when they ask what do I say? 

"Almost everyday,"