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God, I just feel like I have this battle in my head, like, I feel the urge to look and feel more masculine, but I really don’t know how besides baggy clothes and lowering my voice. I don’t have access to getting any binders, which I would literally kill for, because I have really bad chest dysphoria. I’ve been getting bullied for two years since I came out to my ex-friend, I’ll call him…Owen. Owen keeps misgendering me on purpose, and just being a general dick to me. And, I’m fine with people ACCIDENTALLY misgendering me, as long as they’re like, ‘oh, I’m really sorry, I’ll try to remember next time’, and they actually make an effort to change their slip ups. But Owen does it on purpose, and he keeps using me dead name. I can’t really tell the teachers because one, I’d feel like I was making a big deal out of nothing, and two, I’m not out to them yet, though i probably should, since I’m out to my parents and friends. I’m in his gym class this year, so I really don’t know how I can do anything about it. If anyone has any tips to look and/or feel more masculine, and how to deal with Owen, I’d reallly appreciate it.
Ughhhhh (tw for ftm gender stuff and bullying)
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cel the lamb
Sorry to hear that. It seems like Owen is really getting to your self-esteem and making you feel insecure about your gender.
The truth is, depending on your income status and your age, you probably can't make yourself look more masculine. Even if you could, would that be enough to ease your insecurity? Perhaps to a degree maybe, but it seems like you're dealing with a self-esteem problem. That insecurity is externalizing through your gender identity, which is why that jerk is able to get under your skin by misgendering you.
Remember that who you are is enough. Allow yourself to be. As someone who was born male who has also gone through gender dysphoria, it doesn't matter what your chest size is. It doesn't make you more masculine. What matters is fulfilling your obligations, doing right for yourself and others, and finding your own authentic self worth. That will make you a better man.