lowkey in need of advice

okay so... i have this best friend and he's really really cool and amazing and perfect in every way oh my god i love him so much!!!!! 

its not really a romantic love i dont think??? its not the same feeling i usually get when im in love with somebody, but the obsession and need for closeness and stuff i usually get when in love is still there. Im not like in love with him though i dont think, its not the same feeling, but i still do really love him and i just really really care abt him and i have to talk to him like 24/7 or else i die (not really but it feels like it)

but yeah, hes my bestie and hes really really cool and everytime he says anything even remotely good abt me i get like a major ego boost and i just get so happy and i wish i could talk to him all the time and i feel so fucking sad that we dont know eachother irl bc i just wanna cuddle him and hug him and kiss him (as homies tho) and if he ever stops being my friend i will literally kill myself im not joking i need him i need to always be friends with him or else i will actually kill myself, there would be no point in life if we ever stopped talking

but uhhh just as this new obsession started, one of my exes refriended me and now wants us to get back together

and like i lowkey hate them but at the same time we did have some chemistry ig but idk i dont think i wanna fall back in love with them, even if i do convince myself to fall back in love with them, it'd feel so wrong to devote myself to somebody other than my best friend

but like also like yknow, my bestie is just my friend and neither me or my bestie would wanna be anything more and me and my ex had some chemistry so like it'd be kinda irrational for me to choose my best friend over them because like me and my bestie could never even date anyways so its dumb for me to devote myself to him when i could be getting into an actual relationship with somebody 

but like i dont wanna let go of him!!! i wanna devote myself to him!!! i want him to be the most important person in my life forever and ever!!!! i want things to stay as they are, but its just so foolish of me...