Disclaimer: Below contains graphic / gorey descriptions and touches on suicide / sh. Do not proceed if you think it would take you to a bad headspace! Take care of yourself ❤️

Requiem

~ From a time where I didn’t want to be alive.

1 - Supernova

2 - Honey

3 - Little Girl

4 - Peace

5- Packet Switching

6 - Wings

Supernova

im going to [] myself,

I really will.

I won’t warn you this time.

there’s nothing much more poetic than this,

taking death’s hand, because it doesn’t exist.

it’s cold, his heart; it sings, it bleeds.

I’ve never existed, not really.

see, it drills a hole in my skull

i sit and i wait and i wait and it glows

midas, please, turn me to gold.

you’ll burn bright, now don’t you dare implode.

until the night sky shines with all your brilliance,

supernova, i promise, you’ll be forgiven

your light? it’s remembered.

reasons to [] as trophies on display

take my [].

that’s the price I wish to pay.

alongside this curated, noble purpose,

you’re ridiculous.

- - - - - - - - - - 

Honey

what if I cut myself?

would I have bled?

or would gold have dripped

molten, sweet.

its honeyed metal

thick with lustre.

it glimmers like stars,

like your eyes when it’s dawn.

a reminder you’ve carved,

though I can’t see at all.

so it falls

slow, taunting.

d

r

i

p.

pleading to the gods above,

about my very first love -

me.

and the dripping honey.

tangential and oh, so sweet,

that fortunately, i can only repeat.

- - - - - - - - - -

Little Girl

I was crafting what to do.

Should I write a note?

What would they say?

If I were to use a rope,

How would it hang?

Or if I peered down the slope,

slipped a foot up the threshold,

and let myself plummet,

down a never ending sinkhole?

These were the thoughts that plagued my mind.

An endless whisper, lost to time.

I used to peer down at that arm.

To watch how the water flows through each crevice.

It’s not bright red like the stories.

It’s dull, in theory, even in its ache.

I still wonder if it would’ve killed me.

But of course it wouldn’t.

Because you would’ve done it first.

Grabbed me by the throat and sliced myself apart.

But now my head hurts.

And I peer behind my shoulder.

Because I’m scared.

I’m scared that I’m being watched.

- - - - - - - - - -

Peace

Maybe it’s no longer in death.

Because you scream, and you beg,

and yet.

You look through your fingers to see crossed legs,

A white t-shirt and black tie.

Maybe that is peace -

To sit within, and close your eyes.

- - - - - - - - - -

Packet Switching

if I screamed now,

would you hear me?

or would it be

washed away,

data signals

transmitted in

disarray.

I’m pained.

I’m so, so pained.

but you wouldn’t see it,

because it’s paint.

- - - - - - - - - - 

Wings

They told me, eventually, I’d hit concrete ground.

But they shot my wings, and I’m tumbling down.

Free, free fall, falling.

I’m free falling down the sky.

And yet I can’t see the line

Between angels and god

And this shallow time.

I could’ve thought it through,

I should’ve thought it through.

But my mind is visceral and loud

And it’s screaming at me

Just to get this out.

They told me, eventually, my head would split open.

And the concrete would receive a bloody kiss.

But how can it

When it doesn’t exist?

I’m free falling,

and there’s not even an exit.

Because winged creatures soar.

So I soar, I’m flying high.

And the sun, it burns.

But my life? It’s your design.

And so now I cry,

Because how can I finally die

When all this while

I haven’t been alive?