mi falsa realidad.my false reality

Me siento tan falso, desde que empecé a consumir no se quien soy, sinceramente no se como pase de ser un religioso que todos los días le pedía a Dios perdón por mis pecados y rezaba el rosario y ahora estoy siendo consumido por mis pecados, Dios jamás se alejo de mi, yo fui el que tomo la decisión, cualquier momento podría volver a ser yo, quien soy yo o que fui yo, y si ahora no soy yo, quien soy, no me conozco lo que me apasionaba me aburre y lo que odiaba me satisface, odio no tener el valor de salir de aquí en este lugar, es una prisión que yo cree, una realidad que no es mía, solo pido a Dios que tenga paciencia que volveré y que me perdone y ten piedad en mi y en los que no están en su realidad.

English.

I feel so fake. Ever since I started using, I don't know who I am. I honestly don't know how I went from being a religious person who asked God for forgiveness for my sins and prayed the rosary every day, to now being consumed by my sins. God never walked away from me. I was the one who made the decision. At any moment, I could go back to being who I am or what I was. And if I'm not who I am now, who I am, I don't know myself. What I was passionate about bores me, and what I hated satisfies me. I hate not having the courage to leave this place. It's a prison I created, a reality that isn't mine. I only ask God to be patient, that I'll return, and that he forgive me and have mercy on me and on those who are not in his reality.