i have a hard day

When things break your supposed to hear it right? Like glass breaking or a house being broken down.

I dont think anyone heard when I broke. Though some of them think they did.

They think it's probably when I started cutting or stopped eating or stopped going to school. Maybe some people think its when my family fell apart. Those people would be wrong. 

I think its either when I was seven and my friend died of cancer and I eventually broke down and told my parents I wanted to die and was guilt tripped into apologising.

Or it was now when for a while I had hope, genuine hope that life could get better just for it to fail. Like everything else i do.

See I could have been moving school which would give me a fresh start, a chance to put down some of my baggage. But instead I have to choose between helping my own mental health by moving and risk letting my best friend, one of the only people who care about me, killing herself or staying in this miserable hell hole and making sure she isnt alone.

Its not a hard decision.