happy august divas!!

hi hi hello!!! i hope everyone is doing well despite the horrors and circumstances. remember that you are strong and brave.

this is attempt #2 at writing this blog post, because i forgot that you can't write the word j@vascript in a post lest spacehey think you're actually using j@vascript (which you can't do) and nukes the whole thing. oops.

gendah and fashion things

so! i've been doing thinking and thoughts about my gender identity and the way i present myself and also just gender presentation conceptually? i think that for me personally, my goals are like my guy sebastian. my oc fella. if you don't know what he looks like, he's basically just a silly little emo twink bass player. i've been stretching my earlobes probably (definitely) because his are stretched, i keep thinking about getting snakebites — i think i'm cooked lol. see, ghost harem, the story that seb is from takes place in 2004, and this is relevant because i've also been thinking a lot about juicy couture. which was popular back in the day!

y'know, i've always liked juicy couture actually. and i'm tired of pretending that i don't! ever since i was a little kid i've liked it and i was told that it was "trashy", but i'm an adult now. so i have adult thoughts and language to describe exactly why i like jc and why it's valid, so i can fite anyone who has something to say to me about it... Q(`⌒´Q) i've already got a couple of little things, but i really really want to grab one of their tracksuits in purple, cus that's like my favorite color!i tried one in a medium today and it was juuuust a little too baggy, so i'm gonna see if i can find a small somewhere.

another thing i was thinking about was why specifically a man wearing a skirt hits different than a woman wearing a suit. because like. without looking too deeply into it they're equal but opposite exchanges. but of course it's never that simple. so like. i, as an american, live in a very patriarchal society, so the resulting prejudice is that women — and therefore feminine things — are viewed as lesser in comparison to masculine things. and this is something that was etched into my brain from an early age (and is something that i have to consider in regards to my gender). so like someone who has grown up in that kind of environment could say that there's an insinuation that a woman, when she dresses in clothes typically worn by men, is exchanging a part of femininity for respect. conversely, men wearing feminine clothes is forfeiting that respect. like masculinity is always encouraged, regardless of circumstance. this could also go hand in hand with how trans women are treated i think. but that's just a theory. a game theory. thanks for watching.

forks.neocities.org and my other projects

also holy wowza 100k views on my website!! i haven't been as locked in as i'd like, mostly because of burnout. variety of things in life converging to just absolutely sap me of every ounce of energy i have. i do have a lot of plans for the website. one thing i wanna do is create special recreation/tribute pages to websites that i remember visiting as a child, and also i have several shrines in mind, including but not limited to OMORI, balan wonderworld, pokèmon, the beatles (you're not allowed to make fun of me for this one they mean a lot to me) — and that's just a few of them!! so it's not that i'm out of ideas, in fact, it's far from it. i have like so many ideas. i've overwhelmed myself with ideas. i also would need to learn j@vascript for at least a couple of them. which i've been putting off and is entirely on me because i'm being lazy about it. the main demotivator right now though is financial stressors. i am trying to get a new job though!! i really hope they let me in their walls i'd be such a good employee <3

also, to go back to my guys for just a moment. augh. i love my guys so much. i went to san diego like a month ago and before i left i was even feeling burnt out about my guys which is crazy because they usually make the mental illness go away. but since then i've been so locked in to them. when i got back i wrote like 10k words of sebastian sykes (and harvey bennett) lore in like 3 days. it's all auxiliary too, like you don't even really need to read it to understand them but i just had a song in my heart. i have been working on the draft though!! don't get it twisted. i'm just under halfway through the composition book i'm writing the draft in, so i've been chipping away!! here's the most recent page i've scripted (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧:

Pg.153

Panel 1: Sebastian directs his gaze to his drink.

Seb: I'm not looking for your approval, I'm just letting you know. 'Sides, it's not even in my hometown.

Panel 2: As prev, but he's looking up at nothing.

Seb:Maybe this little sabbatical should be extended...

Harv: Just, like... keep in touch, okay? We worry about you...

Panel 3: Sebastian glares down at his bandmates.

Panel 4: Sebastian giving jjba pose vibes (idk how else to put it!!)

Seb: I'm fine. I thought this through. If you're that worried, maybe you could reach out every once in a while.

Panel 5: Harvey and Frankie look worried.

i'm doing the thing, and this is my way of proving it to you. there are a few people i know irl that have been keeping up with my draft as i add more, and they know enough about the guys to be able to critique me well. i'm talking like, they know the arcs they need to go on and developments they should have, they are very familiar with the lore and backstories and personalities of the guys. so yeah if i do a bad job they get to yell at me. huzzah!

furthermore, the guys have their own website! it's a little barren right now, but i'll be adding more over time. i've been considering also putting up some of the more narrative/novel style writing i've done of the guys (mmmmaybe the 10k words of sebastian lore?) so people can read it. if it does get uploaded there it would also get posted to their tumblr (@ghost-harem) and also my personal site. i know that for at least a couple people, they got invested in my guys through just reading narrative stuff so maybe that'd be a good idea.

i also came up with a relatively new comic idea, something with urban witches, which normally is out of my wheelhouse but i really like this idea, so i'm gonna let it simmer n play with it a bit more before i yap too hard about it.

well, i think that's all that's on my mind. much love to you, reader! thank you for your time.

and if anyone has a good scene/alt/emo y2k hair and makeup tutorial to link — PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE-