#10 bittersweet chaos

sooo summer’s basically over and it’s been… weird? kind of nice, kind of heartbreaking, kind of "i hate everyone" but also "pls never leave me" at the same time. i had a reiki treatment this week and it was insane. like my body felt so light, i could almost imagine flying. i swear i was back in sweden with my best friend, holding hands, eating pie, staying up late. it felt so real that it hurt when i remembered i wasn’t actually there. meanwhile, romance? yeah no. i thought i wanted it but apparently every time someone gets too close i just want to block them immediately. so i made a secret tiktok account to hide (genius plan, 10/10 evil mastermind). now i’m sitting here half-guilty, half-relieved, mostly confused. i think i’ll just quit romance for now. too stressful. friends-wise… mixed bag. sometimes i’m pissed at everyone for no reason, sometimes i just miss them too much, sometimes i wanna bite them (don’t ask). basically i’m lonely but also don’t want to hang out. love that for me. music has been saving me though. i found an old playlist from 2022 and it feels like being wrapped in a blanket. nostalgic in a painful but kinda sweet way. so yeah. that’s where i’m at. peaceful sometimes, overwhelmed most of the time, and lowkey terrified for school.