How a Little Plant Reminded Me to Care for Myself

This week, I bought a little "grow your own Cosmo kit"  from Fivebelow, the kind of thing you see at the checkout and think, "Why not?" I guess I was feeling sentimental, or maybe just because it was on clearance for $1.. okay yeah, that's exactly why. I’ve been in a weird place lately, you know? Not quite where I want to be, mind a bit foggy, that kind of  mid/late 20's  existential confusion.

I went home and sat the kit out in front of me to get started but I was very doubtful it could progress in my dark, not so well vented room. Even I feel like a dead plant in the corner in my conditions. However, I had a thought, anything can grow, even in the most random conditions. Maybe I can, too. Maybe you can. Even if the windowless room you’re planted in isn’t exactly ideal. 

For the past week, I’ve fussed over that little pot like someone whose gone mad! I talked to it. I checked if it needed a drink. I even played music. And guess what..? It grew. In a room with barely any light and stale air, it had the nerve to sprout.

This morning, though, my baby Cosmo was completely wilted. I panicked. Did it need sun? I set it outside in the hot California morning, thinking maybe the lack of sunlight or fresh air was the issue, only to come back and find it even sadder, dried, flopped over, looking like me after a long night of playing The Sims and spending 6 hours in " CAS". It crushed me. Was this proof that all my hopeful metaphors were just that..wishful thinking? Maybe I can’t grow out of my own stuff either. Maybe I was foolish to believe otherwise.

Still, I brought my little friend inside. I watered it, checked the soil, whispered, “Please, little plant, get strong again. Please prove me wrong.” I hovered, probably more than necessary. And a few hours later, it started to stand back up. Not fully, but enough to make me realize something else, growth isn’t always so obvious. It doesn't look like someone elses  journey, and it’s not always dramatic. Sometimes you think you’re about to bloom, and then life throws you into the literal dry heat. Sometimes you wilt. But with some care, some hydration (and a little less pressure), you start to stand again, even if it’s just a little.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, don’t beat yourself up if you’re not thriving every second. Check in: what brings you back to life? Who or what hydrates you? It might be rest, a good cry, a call to someone who gets it, or just moving your pot back inside. Growth can still happen, even if it’s slower than you’d like.

Anyway, that’s my day. Take care. Water yourself. And if you need it, find your sunlight.. just not in this Cali August heat.