Growing up is the weirdest thing

First things first. My mom wasn't a good person. How can you be a good person when you were molested as a child and use drugs to forget it? My dad was a druggie and drug dealer. His drug dealer name is Tony Gizmo, the only name I know him from. My adoptive parents say that I am the ONLY accomplishment my dad ever had. I was born on December 15, and not even a year later, I was taken away. I was put in foster care until the age of three. And the weirdest thing, I can remember what my foster parents look like. One memory that sticks with me. At the age of three, when my parents had adopted my step-sister (mom had another kid), they had heard about me. They tell me that at that age, I was rather smart. I could talk and read, so my new parents had such high expectations, which kind of made me have more than a few mental disorders. 

The first mental disorder; Body Dysphoria, I hate and struggle with to this day. When they first adopted me, I was kind of on the bigger side. And I was ashamed of being that, still am. No matter how many times my parents tell me it wasn't my fault (since I was neglected by my bio parents). I still look down at my stomach and think that someway, somehow I'm going to get big again. I even started calorie counting and stopped eating certain meals. I know that doesn't sound good, but it used to be a whole lot worse. The second one is Depression. Oh boy, there are three different possible reasons I have this, maybe all three, but I think it's mostly because, since my parents had such high expectations, they thought as me older than I actually was. So no playing with dolls, if I drew a picture and it looked like a grade schooler made it, they didn't want to see it. I wasn't allowed to hang out with kids my age, since they acted their age. This also contributed to me not wanting to grow up, not wanting to get my driver's licence. I want my childhood again, I want to go back and actually live and be myself. I could have depression due to the fact that I have been abandoned by my parents, I mean something like that happening to a kid at that age, has to have some major drawbacks. Could be why I have abandonment issues. Another mental disorder, OCD. I'm constantly worrying about my family and I's protection. I have little things hidden here and there just in case. I have so many extra batteries in my room, because I hate the feeling that I will need them and they won't be there.

Gosh this is long, and I haven't gotten to any good or interesting memories. I might just have to make this a two parter, but I'm tired now so I'm going to bed.