A Glimpse Into My Soul -EP- "Sometimes"

Sometimes

I have habits of speaking, spilling more than what's needed, exposing more than I should, blooming before the season comes and flutter my wings in front of way too many people that when I notice myself go unnoticed, I hide, my petals either fall, rot or close up, my pot falls and breaks and stitches kiss my lips.

Habits of disappearing and blooming when no one's around only to wither away alone.

I build my walls brick by brick but I'm clumsy, they tend to fall and break down, I lean and get way too comfortable testing endurance but fail. I put them up again and again, fall on some sides and break on others. My walls of protection full of holes, although I might be protected, it's only a matter of time until someone reaches out from one of the holes only to tear the rest down, their touch unwanted even as I push them away they force themselves into my walls of protection full of holes, if only there was a welcomed touch to kiss the bricks and make my ever so weak walls unbreakable. 

What if the decoration on the walls displeases you, would you break out of them when I'm not watching? Would you hit my head and break my skull with the very bricks you kissed, the very bricks we used to build my walls together, would you use them to break my bones because you didn't like what you see?

I question others around me and myself way too often, the awareness drains me as much as it aids me. If only I have someone to hold my body while my soul wanders the stars. 

Sometimes I have habits. Habits that I wish to hide, to cover, yet it is impossible to cover all your shame, impossible to erase your vulnerability and awareness of it all, you have no choice but to live with it, live with the habits, live with the thoughts, drown in it naked and let the thorns of your flaws tear through your skin even as the unknown shadows of others look at you, all you are, all you were and all you will be. No amount of the shame you feel will be able to cover you as you drown in yourself, as your skin tears up and open for everyone to see, laugh, judge, mock, touch and take.

I have thoughts of things I don't want others to know, like everyone else I have secrets, secrets that can break me down. I have thoughts, wondering about someone who would see all my shame but still wanting to stich me back together. Everyone wishes for someone to love them for all they are, to even revel and bathe in your flaws, not with disgust or mock but with admiration and interest.

Sometimes I have habits. Just sometimes.

-E