⤹ My Experience as a Child Raised on the Internet

Hello hello! It's been over a month or so since my last post here on Spacehey, I finally got some time to squeeze in between my busy weeks to begin archiving my blogs here in preparation of my site migration (p.s. check out my very cool neocities, link will be below ;) ) but after a long time awaiting here it is! One of five wips, lol. I hope you enjoy!

The internet has been here a long while now, with that came a generation that grew in between the age of manual and the age of inescapable technology. I was born in this generational in-between, right when physical media suddenly plummeted into a niche hobby, I got enough years in me to know what a DvD and CD was and what piracy was as a child. Though I can't say a CD could compare to the first smart device I got: A pink leather cased Samsung Tablet. It was old, rickety, and a little slow but it was mine. I soon did upgrade into an iPad mini which was faster and had better games which was all I could ask for as a child. None of them brought as many memories as my first smartphone did. My mother advised me to be safe on the internet but left me to my own devices. Within a matter of minutes I had the entire world in my hands, the ability to explore the internet with no limitations.

I first downloaded a bunch of games, typical. Something to keep younger me entertained throughout the boring moments of life. Then came the social media apps. I wasn't very active on social media back then, I didn't like the thought of just whoever could see my face and judge me. I was a very insecure kid back then so I did all I could to avoid posting, but that didn't stop me from consuming. I was introduced to TikTok nearing 2019 which introduced me to a bunch of fandoms I didn't know existed till that I saw videos of cosplayers online, till I saw others doing such cool things like writing novels (hehe), playing DnD, going to conventions. It inspired me to want to become the same, so I forced myself to become more social and outgoing online.

I started downloading apps some users recommended on TikTok that would help me find friends all over the world, an appealing premise for a 12 year old looking to be like their impressionable idols. During that phase of life when kids are slowly creeping out of their shell of childlike wonder to slowly take in and experience adulthood is when they're most impressionable. They intake trends, their own beliefs, their own circles of friends and learn to become independent of the environment their parents raise them in. I remember feeling like such a badass at 12 years old cruising through applications that needed me to be at least 13 and talking to older kids like I was on the top of the world. It was so easy to walk pass unknowingly and pretend. I got introduced to an application called *Amino.* Is that ringing any bells for anyone there? Amino quickly became my safe space, I found communities with people that had the same interests as me, I could go in and out of public group chats as much as I pleased but one in particular stuck with me and that was the My Hero Academia fandom. I stayed there the longest in comparison to all the other Amino communities I was in, I hosted a public group chat that became the largest the community had ever seen at this time and it was in that fandom I met a lot of my long term friends now but at the same time I met a lot of people who were as terrible as the last ring of hell. It was as fun as it was dangerous especially for someone like me. 

I was exposed to not so kind people, people who took advantage of my age and those that knew me. Not knowing who to turn to because the adults I trusted became my source of dependence and the circle of friends I was with being the same age were just as naive as I was. I jumped from bad friends to good friends, good trends and bad trends, but no matter how traumatizing it was to be a kid on here I have to admit it was some crazy character development. I have to be honest with you guys, it was really difficult reflecting on these parts of my life because they lasted over the span of years. I was a teenager, a kid, handling a bit too much more than I could chew and I think a part of my head has just blocked itself from remembering those experiences because of how painful and downright disgusting some of those were. I talk about it nonchalantly but really I haven't really processed any of the things that happened to me. Despite that, those experiences shaped me into someone better--- someone recovering. 

The internet provided me with many things. Good experiences, bad relationships, better friends, and so much more. It gave me a space to express myself, find who I was when I didn't have the outlet nor the courage to do so outside of the net. It helped me find people and realize what I wanted and who I wanted to become, it helped me develop social skills and learning concepts like boundaries in some painful ways. It's become integral to why I am who I am, it helped me discover a lot of things. I don't want to put the net on a pedestal, nothing too high considering the state of the world in regards to it. Overconsumption, the overtaking of AI, loss in media literacy and attention spans. For all the good things that the internet has given, it's also driving itself into a big burning black hole that we cannot run away from. Despite how terrible it is, we can't avoid the next generation growing up on this too. It may be a different childhood, it may be different applications, but it will become the same experience.

I hope the next generation that takes the internet into their hands learns from more about what it was really like growing up on the internet and takes it into account because I know it will become a part of why they are the way they are too. I hope they learn our lessons and be safer but history has a habit of rhyming over time.

I hope you guys enjoyed this short blog! It was a bit of a tear jerker for me, I revisited some memories trying to write this but I didn't want to post too much of my past details here just in case someone familiar sees this. I want to thank you all for being patient! The other wips will come in shortly. Here's the neocities for anyone curious!! beth's neocities! , I'm working on a nekoweb too so stay tuned for that!

With matsalab,

Bethie