i fucking hate gender so much

one of my irl friends will probably see this but i honestly dont care. i wanna be a corny looser for a bit 

ive had these thoughts since last year and i hate it. seriously, i would do anything to be reborn a boy

i dont care what sort of boy i look like. as long as im a boy i'll be truly happy. seriously, i dont even wanna bother coming out. i know im gonna look fucking stupid. ill always feel depressed, id rather live my like as an ugly and depressed girl than a suicidal ugly boy.

honeslty even that felt like a lie, id rather be suicidal just as long as it means i get to be a boy. thats why ive never understood transwomen. why would you give up being a boy? to me thats heaven. i dont get people unattracted to men. maybe thats just because any guy ive liked, i really just wanna look like.

there is this one guy in my class, dude idrc abt him. hes sort of a dumbass and i dont talk to him.. but i seriously hope he knows how privileged he is. i used to think i liked him, then i sorta realised i just wanna look like him. be him in general really.. like he lives such a perfect life.

i'll never have that because im a girl. im stuck in this body and there isnt nothing i can do to fully change it.

i have more to say, but i might just edit it tomorrow :3 

goodnight everyone!! (or morning.. or afternoon.. or uhhh whatever)