the len kagamine fanart that brought me to tears

(this is a crosspost from my tumblr page!)

there is a piece of vocaloid fanart that genuinely had me on the verge of tears because of how hard it hit me in a nostalgic and comforting way. i wish i could link it here but i forgot the artist. i do have the art but i don’t want to post it because obviously i don’t have permission to do so, but please hear me out.

it is a two-part fanart piece that depicts the artist as a young girl meeting kagamine len for the first time, with len playfully ruffling her hair, which depicts the first time i’m assuming the artist discovered vocaloid. the next piece depicts the artist, now all grown up, with light tears in her eyes, and len continuing to comfort her after all these years. 

and i was once that little girl. and i am now her, much older now.

and the reason why this tugged at my heartstrings so much is because of how intensely relatable it is. so much so that it hurts. i remember being 8 years old sitting at the family computer, watching vocaloid videos, and singing along to them silently to myself, but I immediately found myself attached to len. kagamine len. and before i knew it, i was so captivated by his appeal and charm, that i started to draw him (although poorly lol), and even keep a little journal about my feelings about him. at school, i would discuss him with the sole friend of mine who actually understands me and we had boatloads of fun trying to sing songs, act like vocaloids, talk about them, etc. and when i came home, i eagerly hopped onto the computer chair and started watching and enjoying more and more vocaloid content that especially had len in it. i would stay hours and hours on the computer until my family would yell at me to get off before it turned my eyes red.

there was just something about len that clicked inside of me. that he wasn’t like all the other characters that i had liked before. i felt a feeling deep down that i really, really did like len. i really did. and that he made me feel safe and happy. 

and ever since that, he’s always been there for me. 

through songs. through stories. through art. in my toughest of times and roughest of moments, i always find myself listening to songs starring him, or maybe just funny videos or animations with him like talkloids or mmd videos, especially drawing him and just thinking about him in general. i just simply couldn’t help but become so captivated by him, that it blossomed into a lifelong appreciation of him, and vocaloid as a whole. 

unfortunately, none of the stuff from the era of my silly little childhood crush probably does not exist anymore because i threw it all out in embarrassment and fear of it being found by my parents at the time, but i wish i hadn’t. i think it would be sort of nostalgic looking back at all the cringey and funny stuff I wrote and had drawn. i’m not even joking when i say the only remnant of my crush on len as a child that i had left behind was an unfinished self insert fanfic that i had written on the back of a book on the inside lmao. 

but len has always felt special to me, even when I was 8 and still naive and sometimes I couldn’t understand my own feelings very well. something about him gave me a small feeling inside of me that he would always be there for me in one way or another. whether that be through music, art, games, etc. that he would always bring me joy whenever and wherever. and i haven’t been able to really get him out of my head since. sure i have other interests now and other characters i like to hyperfixate on, but len has continued to be by my side always. 

i’ve always been like this, and i can’t help but be such a way. i’ve always felt like i was the “weird girl” of my classes in elementary because none of them were like me or cared about the stuff I hyperfixated on intensely. perhaps it’s my neurodivergent brain that’s always had me like this ever since I was a young child. there was never a moment past the age of 6 when i wasn’t attached to or hyperfixated on a certain piece of media and had a favorite character to chew on. but len was special, and I may have not known it very well, but i had a feeling that he was truly a special character. and that vocaloid was a very special thing that little ol me had discovered. something that i would continue to be an avid fan and enjoyer of to this very day. 

and i just can’t help be like this. len is not only a character i enjoy, but also a coping mechanism of mine that i sometimes project onto to help express my internal mental health issues and struggles. he’s just simply that comforting and helpful and supportive in my life for the better. i often suffer from self doubt and deprecating thoughts, as well as external experiences with other people near to me like parents or friends that leave me feeling upset, sad, confused, and horrible about myself. and even still, len helps lift me from those thoughts and to continue going each and every single day. 

but even with how much i enjoy hyperfixating on characters, loving them and as coping mechanisms, i am still a productive member of society and it doesn’t make me any less of a person who is unable to “face reality” or am “delusional”. i have experienced this type of thing before and it really hurts, especially when it comes from someone near and dear to you. and those people who like to bully others for latching onto a piece of media ever since they were a child and have a genuine passion for are terrible people. you are still a beautiful person. and if someone wants to tell you otherwise and call you “delusional” or a “childish loser”, it’s disrespectful. plain and simple. all we’re doing is just having fun and appreciating a character a little bit more than maybe the average fan would, and maybe might be slightly more important to one then the average person. and as long as it’s nothing problematic, it’s absolutely fine and valid. 

that fanart of len and the artist really spoke to me and moved me. and it reminded me of how special len is to me and continues to be an important part of my life, alongsides vocaloid as a whole. i thank crypton, i thank KEI, and i thank asami shimoda for bringing life to this wonderful character, this awesome voicebank, this amazing instrument, whom has helped bring me joy, happiness and comfort since i was a child and continues to do so to this day. 

thank you, kagamine len. 💛