[Tw: Death, extreme detail about death]

I watched my aunt die today. How lucky I am to be alive when her life was traded for mine.

I watched my mom shed tears I was familiar with all to well. Watching her stats go down so slowly the way mine did every now and then. Watching her body shake as it tried to stay alive just a little more. Watching blood pour from her mouth and the nurses crowding around as they tried to keep her alive.

Hearing her shuddering breaths,  watching her body convulse as it sucked in what could have been the last gasp of air.

A worthwhile life she had, traded for my worthless one.

What good she did in her life would never compare to anything I could do. This is my fault.

Hearing my mom cry and scream for her when nobody else could be here. I can't cry. What right do I have to cry when i'm the cause of her death.

I got better. She didn't.

This is my fault. And punishment comes for those who sin.

I'm a guilty sinner.