august 2025

Contents

1. A Little Introduction
   
2. Tomb Raider IV: The Last Revelation & Tomb Raider IV Remastered
   
3. My Name
   
4. The Barbie Diaries & Kesha
   
5. The Last Day of Summer

A Little Introduction

I am back to blogging after archiving all my stuff some time ago. It was mortifying to share my thoughts that belong to a preferably locked diary, which I actually already own, in pink and with a heart-shaped lock (pretty!), I might add. I also bought a new journal; this one is light green with a cherry blossom charm and a horizontal elastic band closure (I looked it up to see what it's called, is it obvious?).

I just can't put my thoughts onto paper. No matter how pretty those journals are, I just can't lock what I wrote away. While some more personal stuff obviously still belongs there, sharing is a part of human nature, which I won't deny. 

Ugh, this feeling is impossible to describe. 

I am convinced no one reads my blogs anyway. I decided to resume writing following a different concept: I will write about a bunch of random stuff monthly. I will include my progress in reading and studying, so in a way this will serve as some kind of checkpoint. I will try to make sure I have a productive four-week period. Umm, and I might still include some... 'emo'tional stuff. 

I made this account two years ago. I always wanted to take up blogging, and somehow all those years I never did. I know, I am horrible at this- coherence and cohesion, where? I know no one would enjoy even a single sentence I wrote, yet still I want to try. I am just so tired of how everything is fleeting away. 

I know there is nothing I have to say that hasn't been told before. There is nothing more to add. It's just timeless, earthly misery that haunts each and every one of us.  One random girl's stories about experiencing life and loneliness probably don't really make a change in anyone's world. But one boy's courage in sharing his own, changed mine. Kudos, my hero.

I guess an introduction can only go so far. I hope to make all of my points clearer as I go. Uh oh... I probably should've written the introduction part last!!

Tomb Raider IV: The Last Revelation & Tomb Raider IV Remastered

The chokehold game soundtracks can have on a child... My love for video games probably stems from Tomb Raider IV: The Last Revelation. I'm not even sure if I knew how to read when I was first introduced to PlayStation and this game. And I lacked some serious motor skills- It wasn't until I re-discovered the game as a teen that I realized I hadn't even finished part 1, which mostly serves as a tutorial!!

Was I great at this game? No. Could I even use the controller properly? No. Did I know any English? No. Did I even know how to read? Doubtful. Did I love and obsess over this game? Yes!!

Growing up, I searched everywhere trying to find this game I loved so much, trying to find what it was called. My aunt had thrown away or sold the game disc. And yes, the PS and CDs were her husband's, I used to hang out at their place and play. It was this great mystery to me because no matter how hard I searched I always hit dead-ends and couldn't find it. 

The first part of the game -Angkor Wat and Race for the Iris- takes place in 1984 when Lara Croft is only 16 years old, covering only 2/35 of the entire gameplay. Turns out, after that little prequel, there's a time jump to 1999, which is when the game was released. And there, Lara is all grown up and looking just as we all recognize her.

It's not that I couldn't find it; I just thought Lara would be 16 for the entire game. I was so stubborn wanting to find the exact game, that I dismissed anything that didn't feel familiar. But hey, I was like 10, and had a screen time limit: 30 minutes per week!! I had to use my resources mindfully, okay?

My research back then wasn't a complete waste though, I ended up with this fire wallpaper.

Years passed until I could actually play the game. But everything was going great when I finally did, I was having the time of my life with it! At first, that is. 

The first part of the game, which I mentioned earlier, takes place in Angkor Wat, Cambodia. The temple's design is inspired by Ta Prohm.

This exact in-game location calms my nerves:

I searched to see if this particular place exists in real life, but I highly doubt there are waterfalls cascading down from the mouths of statues.

As I said, everything was going great. I finished the parts Angkor Wat and Race for the Iris quickly. A cutscene comes in, and then there Lara was in 1999 Luxor, Egypt, with a local guide. While exploring, they fell into a tomb: The Tomb of Seth- the god of deserts, storms, disorder, and violence. 

Some deities in ancient Egyptian religion are theriomorphic, meaning they have a human body with an animal head. Seth is one of them, and is associated with the Set animal. The Set animal, also called the Typhonian beast, is an unknown creature, never identified. Many Egyptologists believe it never really existed outside of Egyptian religion and was never real. 

It sure looks creepy. In my opinion it's as if a Borzoi or an Aardvark were morally gray.  

The cutscene ends, and it's pitch black in that tomb. Screenshots don't really show how dark it was. And since Lara is a grown up, she wields guns now- I hate guns in video games because of the gunshot sounds, instant headache for me. But that wasn't really a problem. Tomb levels are more about puzzles and less about combat. To solve puzzles and battle scorpions and jackals, Lara has to be mobile; hopping around, running around. Plus there are weird and rapid camera movements included. After playing more my motion sickness kicked in. 

I blame this exact part for my hours-long nausea:

I still managed to finish the Tomb of Seth and Burial Chambers parts- that's 4/35. It seems my vestibular system was too sensitive for me to continue playing. I had to watch the rest through walkthrough videos, and that too, made me sick. But I had to know what happened in the story, after searching for this game for years.

Which brings me to, today. I found out only yesterday that Tomb Raider IV-V-VI Remastered was released on 14 February 2025- which is also Lara's birthday. I had to see my beloved Angkor Wat renewed. My MacBook isn't compatible with it, but even if it was, I doubt I could play it anyway. I watched a walkthrough covering up to 7/35, skipping some parts. I will keep watching but also keep skipping, mainly because I don't have all the time to waste on game videos, and if I get motion-sick, I can't function for the rest of the day.

My Name

At the risk of sounding obnoxious, I will talk about how my name combination is one of the best in the whole world. And a warning: I will overshare. Some of this probably belongs in my said diary. But it's fine, because this is going to be very whimsical, okay? Let a girl have whimsy.

My first name means ''the crescent moon''. When I was born, the moon was in a waxing crescent, looking exactly like what my name means.

My first and middle names together mean ''the princess of the moon''!! (I don't think this was calculated on my parents' part.)

I already knew all this. Why does it matter now? Because... I realized -just like a week ago- that a birth mark I have looks exactly like a crescent moon!

Think of the birthmark the heroine had in Pan's Labyrinth. It exactly looks like hers, just lighter in color. 

If reincarnation and past lives are a thing, then I was definitely a princess, and no one can convince me otherwise.

My delusion continues. 

No one knows I'm actually a renowned poet. Uhh, I came first place in an elementary school poetry competition. This counts as being ''renowned'', right?

Okay, listen to this: the theme of the competition was April 23rd, which is National Sovereignty and Children's Day in Turkey. It was obligatory to submit an entry. I remember sitting in bed with a notebook that had a picture of the Trojan Horse on the cover, and the words were just coming to me. The whole writing process took seven minutes, and I never edited any part. Not everything rhymed, but I left the imperfections as they were. On submission day, I realized everyone else had help from their parents or older siblings and had perfectly rhyming, long poems- and that was just my class. Think about every other class in my school plus other schools in the region. I thought there was no way I could win, but that was okay, because I had only written that poem because it was an obligation.

I won. They gifted me a pen I guess? I don't remember.

Now for the delusional part... This will sound funny. No, this will sound ridiculous. So... William Shakespeare died on April 23rd. Although his exact birthdate is unknown, for whimsical purposes I guess, it's accepted that he was also born on April 23rd. I don't want to disclose my birthday here- but all I can say is that it's really close to April 23rd, I might as well share my birthday with Shakespeare. Uhh, do you now see where I'm getting at?

Disclaimer: I know all these are mere coincidences. This is just me being whimsical.

Even if reincarnation were true, it would be Anne Hathaway's husband who reincarnated as Shakespeare. Seriously, look it up.

The Barbie Diaries & Kesha

My favorite movie -until now- is The Barbie Diaries. It's both my go-to comfort movie and my actual favorite movie. I know, the animation isn't great. But just stop caring about appearances and the mundane for a moment and consider this movie for its stronger points. It's the best Barbie movie ever. The soundtrack is actually good. And I love, love, love its Letterboxd description: 

''This movie stars Barbie as a teenage girl, trying to deal with crushes, rivals and friendship as she tries to achieve her dream of working as a news anchor for her school's TV station. She doesn't always make the right decisions, but she's a nice enough character and considerably less 'perfect' than she is portrayed in her other films.''

I have never once resonated with Barbie. Not in this movie (although it's my favorite), not ever. This is not coming from a pick-me place. I wanted to be like Barbie so much, as many little girls did. I just couldn't. Barbie was effortlessly charming and made friends easily. I was... disliked most of the time, despite my genuine efforts. Yeah, we have our differences with my girl Barbie.

Let's talk about the soundtrack- because the movie starts with a song right away! The intro song is called ''This Is Me''. Barbie is in a garage-band with her friends Courtney and Tia, called ''Charmz''. The way they perform in the opening scene with all the pink animations, is just adorable. It's the definition of a girly classic. (There are GIFs below that take forever to load.)

Barbie comes into possession of a diary and its matching bracelet through a series of events. This diary can only be opened with its matching bracelet. I love charm bracelets!! Barbie's has a butterfly, a guitar, a star and a heart shaped charm. It's hard to see anything and make out what they are from the movie or screenshots, so I had to spend quite a bit of time just trying to get a clear look. 

The movie had a bunch of merchandise: dolls, a diary and bracelet set, and CDs.

I mean, look at her doll! Look at her butterfly shaped amplifier! I even asked my mom to knit me the same bolero she wears- I don't know how to knit :(

I was talking about the soundtrack, but got a little side-tracked. I honestly love all the music from this movie, but I want to highlight one song in particular: Invisible by Kesha Sebert- that's actually Ke$ha! This track was recorded under her real name. It's listed in the soundtrack but it's only featured as part of a bonus CD that came with the doll. I am very much glad I stumbled upon this song while randomly surfing Youtube.

The lyrics are very much relatable, and the sound reminds me of Kelly Clarkson's Breakaway. I just love 2000s girly coming-of-age songs.

There's also another unreleased Kesha track that I randomly discovered, and instantly became one of my favorites. I kept it to myself for so long but... that ends here and now. Before I reveal this mystery track, I have to talk about how I found it.

I had just learned what ''ft.'' stood for. I was on YouTube, combining every artist name I knew to see if they made a track together. I finally found out there was actually a song which no one knew about, combining... Katy Perry and Kesha. It was True Love. And it was this exact video.

Invisible and True Love are my two favorite Kesha songs. But her released songs are just as great. When Kesha peaked in 2010, we, as a society, were still using flip phones and slider phones, and experiencing our own peak as well. I was actually non-ironically using the radio app, and every morning, at the same hour, her songs played on a specific radio channel.

I miss you, Samsung GT-E2550.

The Last Day of Summer

The last day of summer 2025 is September 22nd. It's never too early to set the mood for festivities. The occasion being the beginning of a new year: September 1st feels more like New Year's day to me than January 1st does. Today, I will be making my resolutions and also babbling about summer ending, autumn coming, leaves falling,.. existential dread.

I'm now officially a full-fledged young adult. This kind of life-state transition opens the doors for the good kind of change- the change you'd like to finally experience in life, or so I hope. I wish to make the most of it, so here's how I see I'll spend this fall:

• making pumpkin desserts.

I love pumpkin desserts! Apparently, the one we make here in Turkey is a local recipe, and it's called ''pumpkin with syrup and walnuts'' or just Turkish pumpkin dessert. It looks exactly like its name suggests: cooked pumpkin with syrup and walnuts. I myself like to combine it with cream. One time my mom made me some, and I was eating as I was playing Stardew Valley -it was fall in game too- and the feeling was EUPHORIC. It was like I was the final-boss of all things cozy. I guess I will try to eat lots while I can!

• seeing Frankenstein in movies.

Frankenstein, directed by Guillermo del Toro, is being released on November 7th! At first it was only going to be released on Netflix, but on popular demand I guess, there will also be a limited theatrical release on October 17th. I hope I can watch it at my local theater. I might even dress up like people did on Barbenheimer day. Time to unearth my old black tops. Or I might buy a new lipstick to commemorate it. It's so random, but it's a nice way to lock some experiences into memories, and I really need to get a red lipstick anyway. In short, I will surely try as much as I can to make the most of this moment when it comes.

• going on a pine cone hunt!

There isn't such a thing as going apple picking in Turkey, so I thought maybe I could go pine cone picking. Rather than picking, it's collecting, because I collect the ones that have already fallen. Then maybe I could decorate my room with them!

• making custom candles.

I've been coming across some tutorials on the internet, and it seems easy enough. Fall is all about those DIYs...

• painting outside.

I want to sit in the park as leaves fall and just paint something I see, like a tree or the cloudy sky. Important conservationist note: acrylic paint is easily cleaned with water, and I will also bring a tablecloth with me to avoid making any mess.

• playing chess.

I used to play chess but was mediocre at best. My uncle, on the other hand, was obsessed with it and never let me win, like ever. He was around 28-30, playing against a 10-year-old kid. This could've been my villain origin story. I don't know if I can start learning at the age of 24, but it won't hurt to try, and it will be a nice way to pass time.

• trying out different kinds of tea.

Lately, coffee has been making me exceptionally uneasy. I managed to lower my caffeine intake: I now drink two cups a day, max (which used to be 5-6 cups!!- that's how people become addicts and menaces to society). I realized I wasn't familiar with what tea has to offer. ''Royal milk tea'' sounds like something I would enjoy. I'm converting into being a tea person...

Since it's the start of my new year and I made my resolutions, I should also reflect on some things. Do you think we show how much love we have for each other as much as we should? For instance: we don't check in on each other. Well, it's either that, or it's just that I'm the one who doesn't get checked on. I could't figure it out yet.

I started thinking about this more this year, and especially now, because this year autumn coming doesn't feel like the sweet excitement of back-to-school frenzy anymore. It feels like responsibility. It means life-changing decisions, and I feel more on my own than ever as I'm making them. Everyone's got their own lives to deal with, I guess. Also, it's considered inappropriate to show that much interest in someone (for some reason I can't comprehend). But I simply refuse to be a person who acts as if we weren't born into this world to feel loved and cared for- why do you think there are so many of us on Earth, silly!! (Hint: somewhere out there is someone like you!) Sometimes, with the people you feel a connection to, you should take the initiative and just show it. 

Or maybe I'm just a naive dreamer, and everyone else is much ahead of me, having all this figured out. They have already faced the uncomfortable truth. It's true I try to keep that child-like wonder alive...

September, October, and November are the months of whimsy, the color purple, and some sorts of spices. This is the only time of the year when I try to believe there's some kind of fully natural thing acting like magic -but not the actual magic or anything supernatural- exists, and everything will fall into place somehow. So I go along with that feeling and try to sprinkle some things over by doing silly whimsical things:

• gatekeeping some popular media, from myself.

There are many media pieces I haven't seen or heard yet, even though they are very well-known and well-liked, because I don't let myself- not just yet. The reason why I do this? First, I'm silly, if you haven't noticed... and I want to enjoy them later in my life, to expand my repertoire slowly, to make sure I enjoy each and every one of them more. I can't consume everything all at once!

• lighting candles and drinking warm milk/hot cocoa every night before bed.

I really like this candle called Rubin Licht Lilie-Jasmin.

• listening to a single CD front to back, instead of using music streaming services and shuffling through everything.

I also like browsing second-hand CDs to buy.

• reading while sitting on a swing.

Children these days don't play outside anyway.

It's not long until summer is over and I get to do all these things. The only season which makes me feel dreadful, is summer. Every year, I just wait for it to be over. Only this year, I wished for summer to never end. Each passing day, the weather getting colder and colder, and the chill, are reminders that this summer is inevitably turning into memories.

Good-bye summer. I will really miss this version of you.