feeling lost

Even though I'm 24, I still see myself as the same 15-year-old girl.

I see people my age, people from the same school, and I see them as more savvy than me. I know I shouldn't compare myself, but it's inevitable. Seeing that they've achieved things so early and I'm not even close to that makes me anxious.

I see them finishing university, owning their own homes (or renting), moving abroad, working in jobs they enjoy, and I'm here with nothing.

I didn't finish my studies; I dropped out halfway through due to personal problems, and it's something I regret a lot. I know I can try again, but I'm not a very good student, and working now is a safe option. And even though I say all that, I don't even know what I want to study. I like the arts, but I don't see the point in going to an art university, and I'm not interested in a vocational qualification either. I don't know what to do with my life and I feel like I'm wasting my time.

Apart from that, I feel like I'm very childish as a person. I still have the same tastes and behave like I did when I was a teenager, and seeing how people grow and mature makes me feel insecure. Obviously, I know I've changed, there are many things about me that show I've matured, but when I compare myself to others, I never see it as enough.

The fact that I only have a secondary school certificate makes me feel like I'm still stuck in that place. I feel like I'm moving forward without actually moving forward. It's hard to explain, but that's how I feel.

In any case, I'm happy. I try to think that everyone goes at their own pace. There are people who have had it easy, people who have really worked hard and achieved everything they wanted, people who still don't know what to do, like me, and that's okay. 

I think the most important thing is to keep going and live in the present. That's what I try to think, but sometimes I get down.

But now I have a job, I have good co-workers, I can afford a few luxuries, I can help out with things at home, and I don't have to depend on my parents to pay for my things. Even when I feel down, I want to think positively.(Haha, I feel like this last paragraph is very materialistic).

In any case, we shouldn't feel inferior just because we haven't achieved things as quickly as others; little by little, we'll get there.

needed to get that off my chest, and if you can relate, you're not alone.

Love you all 

(Also, sorry if it's confusing I've started throwing everything I needed to get out.)