1 year since i started writing my last project

I believe it was around this time last year that I started to write my first album, which was gonna be streamed on all platforms. It was the most intricate thing I've ever done and worked with so many people to make sure I got the sound I wanted. When I show the album to my friends or people I just got to know, they seem to like it, but I never really get to talk about it, the meaning of each song, or the order meaning, or the name itself, so I'll take the time to do that here.

The album's name is Dream Suicide, and it was about my girlfriend at the time. Meeting her changed the way I view myself, and I wanted to become the best version of myself, leaving the burdens I carried with me in the past, and becoming a new person. It is said that death in a dream is not about dying, but "change, the closing of a chapter, or the end of life as you know it." She made me want to change, and really marked a point in my life where I could say, "This is where it all began."

Go Back
First track of the album. This song is about coming to terms with a broken relationship, about realizing that a relationship cannot be saved, and how quickly people choose to move on. People talk about losing "the spark," but they don't know what the spark is or what it means, so when they do lose this honeymoon phase mentality, they think they are no longer in love and move on to the next. 

Faces
This song is the only song written before I had this project in mind; in fact, it was supposed to be a single release, but I chose to add it to the album since it fit the theme. This song originally was written about 2 people whom I felt conflicted about. One was a friend whose boyfriend always says he was jealous of me, and we'd laugh it off by saying he was crazy, her not knowing I liked her. The other person was someone I had met online and felt connected with, but was scared of a long-distance relationship, so I slowly cut contact and searched for her among other people. Where I would go, I would see traces of her, and my eyes always seemed to lock onto this; I thought she would love it. I started to wonder if the distance was what scared me off or the relationship, and I wondered if I was truly healed from my past relationship.

Heartless
This was about me coming to terms with my fear of relationships and questioning if I changed so much because of my heartbreaks, am I still me? Or am I me because of my heartbreaks? Nothing much other than me trying to make the song feel like you're trapped. I have a love hate relationship with this song, love its meaning, but I really don't know how to feel about how it sounds. I love it one day and absolutely hate it the next.

Candle Lit

Candle Lit is probably my favorite song I've written. One of my most poetic pieces, and I truly love it. I started to write this song when I met my girlfriend at the time, and it's about how I saw her. I love this song because when I do get the chance to talk about this song, everyone has their own interpretation of the song. With the chorus "Candle lit dancing through the snow, falme comes up and struggles to control, and when that light seems to fade, I'm lost, I'm lost, I'm lost" I was writing a scene from a movie that I forgot, but remember this specific scene in which a girl in a drress walks around a snowy forest holding a lit candle in her left hand and its wax dripping on to the cold floor and leaving little divots on the snow. I remember watching this scene, and the feeling I had was similar to when I was talking to this girl, almost like mesmerized. If you do choose to listen to this song, I'd love to hear your interpretation of it. 

Dream Suicide
This song was all about her, I don't think I've mentioned it, but this girl lived in Romania, 8 hours ahead, 20 hours away. I wrote this song on call and promised to release it on Spotify along side the album, but it was around this time I noticed something different. Texts took longer to come back, Anger came out of nowhere, a pattern I was scared to see, a pattern I talked about in Go Back. I saw the end, and I tried to save it, I tried my best. 

Scars
In this song, I talk about how draining the relationship had become. How staying really only keeps hurting me. I talked with her about this feeling of her falling out of love, and she just cast it away, saying that wouldn't happen. Slowly, she was casting herself away, and hours would go by without hearing from her, and I'd sit in silence waiting. At this point, this relationship was hurting me emotionally, and I wanted this song to be the final conversation about this feeling, I wanted her to hear this song and maybe realise how I was feeling truly since she wasn't getting it from out=r conversations despite neing straight up; However, she ghosted me a little bit before the album was released so I never knew what if she heard it, or what she tought. 

This album was supposed to be about me coming to terms with love and finally giving it another chance, crazy how it ended up being about this cycle or foreshadowing of my future, because truly, after she ghosted me, I was breaking down at the sound of her silence. Love is scary, but I realized that if I keep being afraid, I will always be in this cycle. Now, as I met this amazing girl, she makes me feel welcomed, and I won't run from fear but try to welcome it. She makes me feel welcomed and heard and made me believe in love again. I won't lie I am scared, but I think that's normal.

But yeah, that is my album Dream Suicide. It would mean alot if you checked it out here's the spotify link 

https://open.spotify.com/album/156VXoigdHSY5tWlB7M2Mj?si=bi5g_J4CRUmWVN-UPxVoCg