The past is painful

Sometimes I find things that I've written from when I was

12-14, which was when I was at the height of being mentally ill (? Not sure how to describe it, but 1 was doing horribly and harming myself, and it makes me feel a little sad if I think about it too much

I still have some problems from that era to this day and I'll never get rid of the physical and mental scars from it, but I do have the ability to move on from them and make smarter decisions which I am grateful for

Every time I think a little too much about past MP, all I can think of is 'that poor boy (' because he was suffering so extremely without any help. His suffering was so obvious yet no one tried to help him, and he also never asked for help because 'why would anyone care?'

Sometimes I hate past MP for being a stupid kid but at the end of the day he was just that, a kid, and I shouldn't be so hard on him.

Its not his fault he was dealt with a horrible hand of cards, he didn't know what to do with them. But now I'm looking at these cards I've been dealt and I'm making the best out of them.

Just goes to show that things really do get better. I still feel hopeless and depressed sometimes but it's much less worse than it was years ago.

Who knows, maybe someone can read this and relate or even feel comfort. Or maybe they'll just look at this and go 'what a fucking loser' and that's okay too.