die

August 23rd, 2025
Dear diary,

I don’t know why I keep writing in here. Maybe it makes me feel less invisible. Maybe it’s just something to do between long silences.

Today felt... dull, but heavy. The kind of day where everything moves in slow motion but still hurts in real-time. I woke up way too late — 2:17 PM, to be exact — and my first thought was "why did I even bother waking up at all?" which I know sounds dramatic but... whatever.

The sky looked kind of nice — overcast, like someone pulled a gray blanket over the sun. I liked it. Sad weather always feels like it understands me better than people do. I made tea but didn’t drink it. I let it go cold. I do that a lot. It’s like a metaphor for how I treat myself — make something warm, forget about it, then drink it cold because I think I deserve it.

I listened to “Bring Me to Life” on repeat while scrolling through photos of people pretending to be happy. I posted nothing. I said nothing. I just watched.

I didn’t cry, but I wanted to. I think I’m getting good at being numb.

Anyway...
im really freakin bored.

— Nat (17)
somewhere between the void and the wifi signal