aug 21/25 - 10:06pm (how im feeling)

i haven't been able to write how i'm feeling now. this month has been super crazy. my sister and i are moving into a new apartment soon. that decision came to be was when i got kicked out of home. 

im safe and sound. surprisingly my parents wanted me back and i ended up going home because:

1. my sister and i have to pack to move out

2. i miss my dogs at home (their names are roku and ringo).

3. i miss home and i know it's important to make amends with my family before i regret everything.

with all of this happening , i feel like my memories to create and build my portfolio vanished. i have creative block and this is the worst one of all. my friends and i didn't end up watching ethel cain in vancouver. a job that i hoped for to help me save my finances rejected me. i guess i wasn't good enough. 

it's been rough. i fucking hate creative blocks. all the plans and what i hope to build went missing. i feel like i went missing. i get rejection means redirection, but god forbid a girl prayed to get a high paying job that would boost my artistry and make the city become more progressive that people would actually move here to have a nice life. 

as much as i want to edit videos, i hate having to do so. i hate to do it because to hear what i sound like and what i look like, i can't help but feel insecure. i feel self conscious. i know i have to move on but fucking hell.

i have a lot to say but until then, i will take a break for a bit. hopefully i can jump back from time to time. 

i'll see you guys soon.