Today, they say, you are to be wed...

My darling...
I love you as much as I love every song I’ve ever written.
And when I said I am dying, I meant it.
For nearly two and a half years, I’ve been living through chemotherapy.
You would not even wish to see my body—
I’ve grown to despise myself that deeply.

And if you ask, “Why now, why tell me this on my wedding day?”
Perhaps because your happiest day will be the day I vanish into darkness.
I don’t want regret to linger in you afterwards.
You—who deserve nothing but joy.
A child still, because even when you grow,
You remain tender, small in your innocence.

I never wanted you to do anything for me—
Only that you wouldn’t carry regret.
The doctors say it is the final stage.
And I laugh at my ruin, for what else can I do?
All I ever wished in this life
Was a forever that belonged to us.
But no— I am not bitter for what never came.

You have changed me, beyond all measure—
Be ashamed of yourself for that.
And forgive me for not being at your side
On the day you are most radiant.
You know well—had I the strength,
I would have run to you, without hesitation.

But I go now, quietly,
So I will not burden you longer.
And the pain of a song left unfinished,
I will carry with me into the soil.
Perhaps, someday, it will find its way to you.

My love, wasn’t life supposed to be something beautiful?