am i saved?

I am a Christian, specifically non-denominational. For the last year, I've been caught in a cycle where I yearn for a deeper connection with Christ, but I don't push myself to pursue it. This leads to repetitive patterns of sin and repentance—over and over. It's tiring, and for some silly reason, it's hard for me to simply stop, pick up my Bible, and read. When I do read my Bible, I often feel like I don't truly understand it. I just want to give my life to Christ, but I keep sabotaging myself. I worry that if I die tomorrow, I don't know if I will enter the kingdom of heaven. PS I'm gonna repost this to my blog