me and my depressed mind

Time is flying so quickly that I can hardly believe school starts again in just two weeks. i don’t know if I’m ready. Everything feels harder than before, but I hope with all my heart that I’ll manage this school year with consistency and motivation. I think depression has taken away so much of my potential. I don’t really know what’s wrong with me, but I’m not the person I used to be years ago. I’ve become so lazy that sometimes I can’t even clean my room for a whole month, and on the rare days I do, I somehow make it even messier. I hate the way I’m living my teenage years. talking to my boyfriend and holding on to the little things I love are some of the reasons I’m still here. I love life, but my mind makes me hate it. I hate feeling useless and not smart enough. I want to change so badly, but I can’t because inside my head there’s a voice telling me that if I change, I’ll be sad forever. I know it isn’t true, but still, I fall for it. I’m trapped under my own mind my cruel mind, the same one I strangely love at the same time. Maybe I’ll start writing what I hate in another blog, just to let some of the heaviness out. I hope to change. I want to change. My mind doesn’t want to. These blogs will be like a diary of passing thoughts. I already have a diary, but I never dare to write what I truly feel in it, afraid my mother might peek and see the mess that I am..

That’s all for now…Goodbye, my lovely people x