Trying to turn my thinking around

Context: I'm transmasc and I'd love to be on T rn. Like, hurt, too surgery, etc?? My dream. The problem is that I literally can't do any of these things cuz I'm 17, closeted and prob won't be received well by family.

Now the important thing: I've had thoughts like "I should be on T rn.. many other trans people started hrt so much earlier than me..." So I've been in a loop of envy and resignation. Now, I'm starting to think that "I'm gonna be 18 in 9 months! I will gain full autonomy over my body in 9 months! I can actually work towards hrt! I can start working weekends at my dream job to save money for hrt an surgery in just 9 months!" So yeah. I've been trying to turn my thinking around. Make it more hopeful.